Mental Health thread

[Subway]

@Subway ...


Getting old is not for kids.

Small bites.

Drink your food, eat your liquids.

(Chew so much that when you swallow your food, it's liquid; slosh your fluids around your mouth until they're room temperature before swallowed)

Best of luck!

Ok context (it does not reflect well on me so you DAMN well know it is true.) we had had a big brawl Thursday and it got worse Friday night. We slept in the same bed Thursday so it wasn’t all that bad and we rarely ever fight (part of the bigger problem but that’s for our shrinks, and overall we are a very happy and awesome couple) We DO actually work on this stuff and it can get messy, especially after what we all went though the last few years

But it started Thursday night, and went I WENT BALLISTIC when it resumed the next evening. And yes, another part of my justified anger was that she didn’t even listen to my very calm and measured thoughts about the state of things and how i can improve and how lucky we are by literally every yard stick our society has artificially erected. No, she went right back in to all the things subway does wrong and I deliberately shut off the volume speed governor, and fucking let fly.

anyway , I had one of the busier Fridays of my year (both good and bad- banging my head against a lap top, no food shower or exercise for 11 hours dealing with other peoples mistakes, but did close a little $35k deal at the end so that was cool.) Anyway, I had a bunch of really humble and thoughtful remarks prepared for the olive branch I planned To extend when my wife came home from her $400 cut and color (yes, that of course is there intentionally) she is MUCH better than most wives with financially successful husbands. She does not spend thousands of dollars a month on clothes and nails and hair and laser treatments etc. but she DOES STILL SPEND QUITE A BIT, and not only do I not complain, I tell her it’s ok, we are a team, and she is overall pretty reasonable in her “girl spending”. It helps that her entire life can be lived in yoga outfits, and the LLC pays for the expensive tights


Here is where it got really ugly.


that olive branch was discarded and she picked up an olive log and went right back after me. While i was already hangry, angry, and yes I too have weaknesses. And I was just plain sick of her lazy half ass enjoying the ride bull sh!t while im literally breaking my brain to make sure BOTH of us can live our old age, if we get there, in relative comfort. THATS WHY I WORK. Surf trips and sport coats are nice, but the 15 years I have been earning, a few of them bona fide (bottom of the one percent) big years. Not every year, but enough of them. And yes fuck me very much, that leads to resentment and she is blind as a bat to that stuff sometimes. I am 98% percent successful at being a good man. But she triggered a bit of the 2% and i had enough material to work with that i wove a masterpiece of just how fucked up we all are, and it’s ok. But she was FAR from off the hook and I let her know all the things she does and takes advantage of etc, and gave it to her like a goddamn hell fire preacher.

anyway, during my loud dominant yet brilliant monologue, that actually did address some of the simmering issues that needed airing, and because i hadn‘t eaten that day (it was 7:30 pm by that point) I cut a huge piece of chicken and just rifled it.. for the rest, see above.

chewing throughly is good advice, and I usually chew my food. I didn’t chew this giant piece of chicken because I was simultaneously raging at my wife with the manic and righteous anger of Walter Sobchak and the eloquence and logic and fucking clarity of Thoreau himself. Like, I was actually GETTING THROUGH to a woman!! and she was actually nodding and agreeing that she has a part in these simmering issues too, it ain’t all about me, my job, my money, my (10 years gone) drinking, my powerful brain with NO shut off valve, she actually acknowledged that she HAS been succeeding but also half assing the opportunity i so freely and joyfully gave her back in 2019 after she had just failed miserably at her 3rd job in 4 years And her self worth was hovering around 0. SHE BECAME A TOP SHELF YOGA TEACHER IN A FEW YEARS. Full stop. She works really, really hard at the challenges she enjoys. She hardly lifts a finger if it is something that is boring, challenging, and not instantly rewarded with the satisfaction of a class well taught.

I offered, and she accepted and excelled at, a whole new life. That was amazing. But 4 years later with a fledgling but thriving business, yes, when she watches 4 hours of HGTV every day and then is stupid and lazy enough to try and get me to do “yoga business social media work” after a 12 hour work day of my own, well, sorry not sorry you’re going to hear all about it. It just took a few months of this behavior before I finally lost hold of whatever emotional maturity I may gained in sobriety and adulthood. And I told her all of that verbatim. “I GAVE YOU THE WORDS FOR THE CAPTION SWEETIE, AND THEN YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO “write it down for you” . Yes, I don’t care what gender, that’s just fucking rude, thoughtless, lazy, and retarded.

and that’s why I didn’t chew my chicken and just tried to swallow the whole thigh without even noticing, until I was almost dying.

happy Monday, my work day started an hour ago, my chest and stomach are still sore from the choking, and I leave for Huatulco on Saturday. Forecast is 10-15 feet the first few days. Legs and Lungs are in top shape. The arms and the recently dislocated shoulder will just have to keep up, or at least just not get in the way, my lungs and legs can handle the heavy lifting.

 

[wedge2]

Sounds like a good time for a trip, glad you didn't die haha and women, wellll ya got me there. We seem to run more on logic and them on a emotions when in the moment, until we run on emotions and then it's too late (sounds like you needed to say what was said though) - Keep on truckin'

 

[averagejoe]

Ok context (it does not reflect well on me so you DAMN well know it is true.) we had had a big brawl Thursday and it got worse Friday night. We slept in the same bed Thursday so it wasn’t all that bad and we rarely ever fight (part of the bigger problem but that’s for our shrinks, and overall we are a very happy and awesome couple) We DO actually work on this stuff and it can get messy, especially after what we all went though the last few years

But it started Thursday night, and went I WENT BALLISTIC when it resumed the next evening. And yes, another part of my justified anger was that she didn’t even listen to my very calm and measured thoughts about the state of things and how i can improve and how lucky we are by literally every yard stick our society has artificially erected. No, she went right back in to all the things subway does wrong and I deliberately shut off the volume speed governor, and fucking let fly.

anyway , I had one of the busier Fridays of my year (both good and bad- banging my head against a lap top, no food shower or exercise for 11 hours dealing with other peoples mistakes, but did close a little $35k deal at the end so that was cool.) Anyway, I had a bunch of really humble and thoughtful remarks prepared for the olive branch I planned To extend when my wife came home from her $400 cut and color (yes, that of course is there intentionally) she is MUCH better than most wives with financially successful husbands. She does not spend thousands of dollars a month on clothes and nails and hair and laser treatments etc. but she DOES STILL SPEND QUITE A BIT, and not only do I not complain, I tell her it’s ok, we are a team, and she is overall pretty reasonable in her “girl spending”. It helps that her entire life can be lived in yoga outfits, and the LLC pays for the expensive tights


Here is where it got really ugly.


that olive branch was discarded and she picked up an olive log and went right back after me. While i was already hangry, angry, and yes I too have weaknesses. And I was just plain sick of her lazy half ass enjoying the ride bull sh!t while im literally breaking my brain to make sure BOTH of us can live our old age, if we get there, in relative comfort. THATS WHY I WORK. Surf trips and sport coats are nice, but the 15 years I have been earning, a few of them bona fide (bottom of the one percent) big years. Not every year, but enough of them. And yes fook me very much, that leads to resentment and she is blind as a bat to that stuff sometimes. I am 98% percent successful at being a good man. But she triggered a bit of the 2% and i had enough material to work with that i wove a masterpiece of just how fucked up we all are, and it’s ok. But she was FAR from off the hook and I let her know all the things she does and takes advantage of etc, and gave it to her like a goddamn hell fire preacher.

anyway, during my loud dominant yet brilliant monologue, that actually did address some of the simmering issues that needed airing, and because i hadn‘t eaten that day (it was 7:30 pm by that point) I cut a huge piece of chicken and just rifled it.. for the rest, see above.

chewing throughly is good advice, and I usually chew my food. I didn’t chew this giant piece of chicken because I was simultaneously raging at my wife with the manic and righteous anger of Walter Sobchak and the eloquence and logic and fucking clarity of Thoreau himself. Like, I was actually GETTING THROUGH to a woman!! and she was actually nodding and agreeing that she has a part in these simmering issues too, it ain’t all about me, my job, my money, my (10 years gone) drinking, my powerful brain with NO shut off valve, she actually acknowledged that she HAS been succeeding but also half assing the opportunity i so freely and joyfully gave her back in 2019 after she had just failed miserably at her 3rd job in 4 years And her self worth was hovering around 0. SHE BECAME A TOP SHELF YOGA TEACHER IN A FEW YEARS. Full stop. She works really, really hard at the challenges she enjoys. She hardly lifts a finger if it is something that is boring, challenging, and not instantly rewarded with the satisfaction of a class well taught.

I offered, and she accepted and excelled at, a whole new life. That was amazing. But 4 years later with a fledgling but thriving business, yes, when she watches 4 hours of HGTV every day and then is stupid and lazy enough to try and get me to do “yoga business social media work” after a 12 hour work day of my own, well, sorry not sorry you’re going to hear all about it. It just took a few months of this behavior before I finally lost hold of whatever emotional maturity I may gained in sobriety and adulthood. And I told her all of that verbatim. “I GAVE YOU THE WORDS FOR THE CAPTION SWEETIE, AND THEN YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO “write it down for you” . Yes, I don’t care what gender, that’s just fucking rude, thoughtless, lazy, and retarded.

and that’s why I didn’t chew my chicken and just tried to swallow the whole thigh without even noticing, until I was almost dying.

happy Monday, my work day started an hour ago, my chest and stomach are still sore from the choking, and I leave for Huatulco on Saturday. Forecast is 10-15 feet the first few days. Legs and Lungs are in top shape. The arms and the recently dislocated shoulder will just have to keep up, or at least just not get in the way, my lungs and legs can handle the heavy lifting.

Glad you didn’t choke to death. I choke on food and have coughing fits all the time. So much so that my wife and I joke I will probably die from choking.

I think you need to work step 4 and maybe try a 3 gram dose of mushrooms. I’m reading Principles by Ray Dalio right now and I’m still stunned by his revelation that most peoples’ biggest obstacles to success are 1. Ego & 2. Our blind spots. I look back on so many of my fvk ups through life and can clearly see the impact of my ego and blind spots on every one.

 

[estreet]

Ok context (it does not reflect well on me so you DAMN well know it is true.) we had had a big brawl Thursday and it got worse Friday night. We slept in the same bed Thursday so it wasn’t all that bad and we rarely ever fight (part of the bigger problem but that’s for our shrinks, and overall we are a very happy and awesome couple) We DO actually work on this stuff and it can get messy, especially after what we all went though the last few years

But it started Thursday night, and went I WENT BALLISTIC when it resumed the next evening. And yes, another part of my justified anger was that she didn’t even listen to my very calm and measured thoughts about the state of things and how i can improve and how lucky we are by literally every yard stick our society has artificially erected. No, she went right back in to all the things subway does wrong and I deliberately shut off the volume speed governor, and fucking let fly.

anyway , I had one of the busier Fridays of my year (both good and bad- banging my head against a lap top, no food shower or exercise for 11 hours dealing with other peoples mistakes, but did close a little $35k deal at the end so that was cool.) Anyway, I had a bunch of really humble and thoughtful remarks prepared for the olive branch I planned To extend when my wife came home from her $400 cut and color (yes, that of course is there intentionally) she is MUCH better than most wives with financially successful husbands. She does not spend thousands of dollars a month on clothes and nails and hair and laser treatments etc. but she DOES STILL SPEND QUITE A BIT, and not only do I not complain, I tell her it’s ok, we are a team, and she is overall pretty reasonable in her “girl spending”. It helps that her entire life can be lived in yoga outfits, and the LLC pays for the expensive tights


Here is where it got really ugly.


that olive branch was discarded and she picked up an olive log and went right back after me. While i was already hangry, angry, and yes I too have weaknesses. And I was just plain sick of her lazy half ass enjoying the ride bull sh!t while im literally breaking my brain to make sure BOTH of us can live our old age, if we get there, in relative comfort. THATS WHY I WORK. Surf trips and sport coats are nice, but the 15 years I have been earning, a few of them bona fide (bottom of the one percent) big years. Not every year, but enough of them. And yes fook me very much, that leads to resentment and she is blind as a bat to that stuff sometimes. I am 98% percent successful at being a good man. But she triggered a bit of the 2% and i had enough material to work with that i wove a masterpiece of just how fucked up we all are, and it’s ok. But she was FAR from off the hook and I let her know all the things she does and takes advantage of etc, and gave it to her like a goddamn hell fire preacher.

anyway, during my loud dominant yet brilliant monologue, that actually did address some of the simmering issues that needed airing, and because i hadn‘t eaten that day (it was 7:30 pm by that point) I cut a huge piece of chicken and just rifled it.. for the rest, see above.

chewing throughly is good advice, and I usually chew my food. I didn’t chew this giant piece of chicken because I was simultaneously raging at my wife with the manic and righteous anger of Walter Sobchak and the eloquence and logic and fucking clarity of Thoreau himself. Like, I was actually GETTING THROUGH to a woman!! and she was actually nodding and agreeing that she has a part in these simmering issues too, it ain’t all about me, my job, my money, my (10 years gone) drinking, my powerful brain with NO shut off valve, she actually acknowledged that she HAS been succeeding but also half assing the opportunity i so freely and joyfully gave her back in 2019 after she had just failed miserably at her 3rd job in 4 years And her self worth was hovering around 0. SHE BECAME A TOP SHELF YOGA TEACHER IN A FEW YEARS. Full stop. She works really, really hard at the challenges she enjoys. She hardly lifts a finger if it is something that is boring, challenging, and not instantly rewarded with the satisfaction of a class well taught.

I offered, and she accepted and excelled at, a whole new life. That was amazing. But 4 years later with a fledgling but thriving business, yes, when she watches 4 hours of HGTV every day and then is stupid and lazy enough to try and get me to do “yoga business social media work” after a 12 hour work day of my own, well, sorry not sorry you’re going to hear all about it. It just took a few months of this behavior before I finally lost hold of whatever emotional maturity I may gained in sobriety and adulthood. And I told her all of that verbatim. “I GAVE YOU THE WORDS FOR THE CAPTION SWEETIE, AND THEN YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO “write it down for you” . Yes, I don’t care what gender, that’s just fucking rude, thoughtless, lazy, and retarded.

and that’s why I didn’t chew my chicken and just tried to swallow the whole thigh without even noticing, until I was almost dying.

happy Monday, my work day started an hour ago, my chest and stomach are still sore from the choking, and I leave for Huatulco on Saturday. Forecast is 10-15 feet the first few days. Legs and Lungs are in top shape. The arms and the recently dislocated shoulder will just have to keep up, or at least just not get in the way, my lungs and legs can handle the heavy lifting.

I’ve learned over the years that it’s a really bad idea to get into an argument with the wife when in a depleted state. Easier said than done, of course.

 

[kelpcutter]

Surf trip overdue. Glad you didn't die!

 

[Bob Dobbalina]

anybody here ever choked, liked really choking and full on suffocating, and then managed to self expel the blockage?

Yes. once.
I was in middle school and the mom driving the carpool home from the beach had Hostess crumb donettes in the back seat of her Suburban.

As we were leaving the Pier parking lot, I helped myself to a couple of these little treats, only to have one (maybe two) get stuck in my throat. I stayed calm and tried to wash it down with some water, but that just soaked the blockage and turned any airy, porous donut material into windpipe blocking sludge.

I tried to cough it out subtly, wash it down with a drink, and otherwise keep my cool, but I was starting to realize nothing was moving and that an uncomfortable feeling was turning into a very scary one. I tried to get the attention of the other passengers in the car, and as I tried to scream, I was able to dislodge the crumbly donette and free my airway. The sogggy chunk of pastry landed in the driver's purse and I might not have alerted her to it.




Also: When I'm really angry and eating, I take dangerously large bites as well. Probably not smart, but we all like to hurt ourselves a little bit.

 

[Subway]

Thank you. Every single word you all replied helped. I’m back at it, producing like a motherfooker on a Monday, but, at least I’m not dead and I’m not as angry as I was on Friday.

note to self- no arguments during dinner after an “intermittent fasting” day .

my wife and I BOTH agreed to that one. She loves her lean slim husband so she understands the need to really watch the calories. and she also understands a bit more clearly now just how MUCH I put my brain through just to stay alive; let alone succeed in a field as unpredictable and irrational as they come. And she understands that, yes, that causes an imbalance and that’s ok. But she is running the risk of my righteous (and eloquently long winded) wrath if she fucks with me At the wrong time over her selfish and lazy issues. WE ALL have lazy and selfish tendencies. I have worked EXTREMELY hard to not only get successful, get sober, get HER into a fulfilling career; I just don’t have much empathy for other peoples whining when it is a direct result of their own laziness or other character defects.

I have plenty of character defects she can justifiably attack if she needs a fight to make herself feel better about her self. Fine. Take some of my joy to bolster yours. I’m there for you just like I have been for 15 years. But if you attack or denigrate all of the work and sacrifice I have made to get money, to secure OUR financial future, to get sober and finally get super hunky for you, then you are at risk of a tongue lashing and brothers I have aNASTY AND BRUTALLY HONEST gift of knowing exactly what is REALLY driving your discontent and you are going to hear it. I will not (or at least try hard not to) allow anyone to make my brain more banged up than it already is.

 

[Subway]

Glad you didn’t choke to death. I choke on food and have coughing fits all the time. So much so that my wife and I joke I will probably die from choking.

I think you need to work step 4 and maybe try a 3 gram dose of mushrooms. I’m reading Principles by Ray Dalio right now and I’m still stunned by his revelation that most peoples’ biggest obstacles to success are 1. Ego & 2. Our blind spots. I look back on so many of my fvk ups through life and can clearly see the impact of my ego and blind spots on every one.

In sales and in (sane) life; ego is incredibly important and just as likely to destroy you as it is make you a millionaire. I have no answer to that except I try to be aware of it. I’m fun and decent and “nice” but I am insufferably pleased with myself at times. And even though my shrink told me my cockiness is not one of the “main issues” I do still work at it because while I don’t care what most people think, I DO care about what a few people think. That even includes like 2-3 of you guys .

most other people are of average or below average intelligence and simply don’t get a voice in my script and I don’t care how arrogant that is. Not if their voice is ignorant and toxic.

I actually enjoy surfing with the Down’s syndrome kids more than most “normally abled” humans.

 

[kelpcutter]

Perhaps develop a less dramatic tactic for ending an argument?

I hope you're leaving your work and stress behind on your surf trip.

 

[Subway]

Perhaps develop a less dramatic tactic for ending and argument?

I hope you're leaving your work and stress behind on you're surf trip.

This hilarious and sad and delicious fact is well recognized by both of us. By nearly choking to death right in the middle of THE SINGLE biggest argument in our 15 years (and mind you I was a full blown active Alkie the first third of our relationship, and quiet and grumpy the second third, and somewhat manic the 3rd third (but that is also heavily pandemic related)) I quite literally delivered and ended the closing drama, drenched in sweat, subtext, metaphor, parallels and un chewed chicken; that may have saved our marriage. And it IS a marriage worth saving.

deep down, even a brawl like that- we would have calmed down eventually. I’ve done a lot of work getting and staying sober, and she’s done enough with her shrinks and now of course years of yoga, that we really CAN turn these rare “divorcey “ level arguments into growth and better understanding and dare I say a more meaningful and loving relationship. They may be rare, and Thursday/Friday the gnarliest one, but we DO sometimes have the training to calm down a bit and eventually work though it. And I think and hope we do so this time. I think we are.

here’s the other cold (hot) but comforting reality (for me anyway- but she’s a smoke show at 52 and will also have no problem finding fit, good looking, affluent, age appropriate partners.)

If our marriage is actually broke, at least neither of us will BE broke when the dust settles. I’m successful enough to make her landing as soft as it morally and legally can and should be

BTW this post has been worked on and added to, for hours while I was doing actual work. So, it’s long even for a subway post, but, it was done in stages, so it’s like 16 posts over several hours....

Perhaps it is far too soon for divorce jokes, because i may very well be on the precipice of one (i don't think so, but I've been wrong before). And I would be very sad if we split- I do love that girl and we all are getting old- she’s the best candidate I’ve ever met with whom to grow old. I don't say that lightly, and I have no deep un addressed need to prove my virility with a nice new lean body and a pile of guilt because i'm banging all or any of the young women who quite openly tried to get a married man in bed. You're all stud surfers in your own ways- Guarans most of you know of what i speak . If you are fit and you surf and are halfway decent looking, it's only gotten easier to get laid, mostly from what i read here lol.

But i have indeed fended off some VERY blatant advances by very attractive young women, a lot, since i lost 70 pounds in late 2019 and early 2020. I can proudly say i tactfully declined each and every opportunity. I mean it when i say i like the satisfaction and serenity that comes with truly being monogamous. Not judging those who are not, It's probably LESS natural for us to just bang one person our whole lives. not so long ago, the very survival of humanity depended on us rutting as often and with as many different partners as possible.

I’m also very realistic and not really all that emotional. <here comes cocky and not sorry Subway> if she wanted a divorce and found a lawyer that could clean out every last dime of the modest little pile I (sorry “we” lmfao) have saved in cash equity and property/artwork etc. if she took every last penny (unlikely, i did build and fund her entire yoga education and funded her legit business which is thriving in its small but legit little way) and even the Hartigan she sort of hates but knows is worth maybe $50K at auction, I would make it back in a couple years, drowning in beautiful women while I Re earned my little pile. 44 is the new 35 if you stay in shape, and I'm at the top of my field, earnings wise, and can be there for as many years as i choose. Hell, even if she could and some how DID take the Iguana lot in Nica (very unlikely, and if she fights for it, i might even just give it to her if it made her landing happier. Good luck actually building babe, that takes at least low 6 figures which you aint got), I'll just buy a lot in some other wave soaked tropical paradise. Maybe even in Rancho Santana, the fancier place NEXT to Iguana, because by then i'll have a much bigger budget Or maybe Kauai . the possibilities just OPEN the FUKK UP.

That’s super arrogant I know. But my physical and internal self image was so abruptly reversed just 3 years ago- I’m a fit, handsome 44 year old man (a surfer no less- chicks still do dig surfers as we all know) with a great head of hair and a great career. Chicks would be swiping or clicking or whatever they do, and i wouldn’t even have to be on the app. My biggest issue would be preventing a sneaky anchor baby from being planted. But I hear there is even a pill for US to take now, to remove that danger. Oh and I COULD snip, but who knows, maybe i DO get my legacy and my relatively ancient family line continues down the male line and i give my dead father an heir. I would possibly fall in love with and knock up a smart beautiful successful and wealthy 30 something and get my legacy AND my financial needs met by someone other than just me.

And THIS time (if you don’t already loathe me by now don’t worry- I’ve plenty of self loathing to spare, and a few more paragraphs will do the trick) I will only have ONE old age to worry about and save for, and literally half of my monthly house hold expenses, maybe even 75%, would Go away. I would be financially more prosperous literally overnight

I LOVE MY WIFE and she’s a damn good one and she makes me feel like a porn star. I BELIEVE in us as a couple and a partnership. Almost on a profound level like “most people aren’t naturally meant to be together forever with most anyone else. Maybe 1% of people truly find that other 1% that is just as weird and messy and amazing and those two meet and it’s a lifelong romance. I still, as I type this (5th session now on this post lol it's literally 5 hours later than when i started)I believe that could and should be our future. But I could just as easily be wrong. I'm smart but I can't predict the future.

So, if she ultimately decides she can’t bear my cocky, elitist, absurd intelligence, the occasional stinging rebukes; my massive and unfortunately kinda justified ego, and frequent bouts with diarrhea of the mouth, and she splits, I’ll be very sad. And I truly don’t want that. I would NOT blame her. I must be impossible to be around all the time, even WITH my overarching decency and good nature. TIt helps that i can make her laugh on demand sometimes even mid argument. It truly is medicinal

But if she leaves, it would probably be the catalyst to some VERY interesting changes in lifestyle and perhaps even mental health. And even though i swear To CTHULU HIMSELF that I am NOT driven mindlessly by my libido, I will have every hot unattached woman in Long Beach and mid town manhattan walking funny in a few months. As the old bull told the young bull “no son, we’re going to WALK down and fuck them ALL” and that’s what I would do, until perhaps a truly special person crossed my bedroom threshold and maybe I fall deeply in love again. That would be fine too. I like monogamy and the trust and integrity that goes with it.

That's another couple chapters of subways saga, in real time. Can i somehow tell the ChatgptAI thing to collate all my ranting posts here along with emails and texts to people, and it would write my memoir for me?

Oh and one more thing- i now have SEVEN healthy little leafy sprouts

 

[hammies]

My wife thinks I'm an arrogant asshole too, tells me so regularly. I wholeheartedly agree, and am on a constant cycle of improvement! This has been going on for 29 years.

 

[Random Guy]

I’ve checked 16 different yoga guru forums, but still haven’t found mrs subway‘s side of the story out there anywhere

but I haven’t given up yet!

 

[kelpcutter]

Remember to lead and finish with this.

I LOVE MY WIFE

 

[SurfFuerteventura]

IMHO if you're not asking yourself if you're better off without her every so often, and the answer is HECK NO! It's not a marriage you're into.

I plan my getaway at least once a month, or two... but it usually ends up with the good old Spanish saying... "mejor mal conocido, que mal por conocer"... better a bad thing you already know, than a bad thing you have yet to know.



I mean, my bitch is crazy... they all are, it's just a question of is it a cra y you are willing to put up with. Cause no matter how hot the new young hottie that replaces her may be, she too will bring her own luggage to the forthcoming "trip".

A lot to say for comfortable with my good old known crazy.



20 years in on "my life sentence".

 

[Subway]

Look. Canary guy. You preach and get all self righteous with the best of us.

but I agree . There are in fact times, and they are exceedingly rare. So rare that EVEN after a marriage shaker like the last few days, both mrs subway and myself not only recognize our love for one another but we can take a breath and say “most marriages Suck, even the “good” ones and ours DOES NOT SUCK except for these rare moments. The “deep” part of me that wonders if I SHOULD just go solo, but even a smug self satisfied and deeply flawed son of a bitch Like me recognizes how RARE IT IS, to actually find let alone fall in love with and marry, a girl who actually matches my weirdness. It’s not the SAME weird, but 98% of the time our “weirds”’match up perfectly. And that’s a true 1percenter. I’m not quitting just cause of a dark fight and 2 close brushes with death in a single evening. I love her and she is WORTH growing old with and I hope and believe I am worthy for her as well.

I am as SELFISH as I am generous. I make a pile sometimes and then I gladly spend it all on her, me, trips for each of us, both together and separate, her business (and I also responsibly save and invest a bunch too). I would NOT do ANY of that (except for the MEEEE) partif I didn’t love and believe in her and us. Full stop. That might change and if it does, I’ll be hurt but I will indeed rally because I have rallied through FAR HARDER sh!t than a divorce.

I would drop her even if it cost me every dime, if I was truly unhappy with her and our life together. She knows that and she knows I wouldn’t even be greedy in the divorce. I would protect myself to an extent, but, she knows I would not leave her penniless. And without repeating or elaborating on all of the financial investments I have made in her profession, her business, and her, period, well, a no fault state judge isn’t going to give her every penny


And even if he did I would make it back in a year

 

[SurfFuerteventura]

"I hear you knocking, but you can't come in...."


Trophy husband, just waiting for her to get sick of my "schtick" - out

 

[Boneroni]

My wife thinks I'm an arrogant asshole too, tells me so regularly. I wholeheartedly agree, and am on a constant cycle of improvement! This has been going on for 29 years.

Dude, after 29 years of active self-improvement, you must be awesome by now

 

[crustBrother]

Ok context (it does not reflect well on me so you DAMN well know it is true.) we had had a big brawl Thursday and it got worse Friday night. We slept in the same bed Thursday so it wasn’t all that bad and we rarely ever fight (part of the bigger problem but that’s for our shrinks, and overall we are a very happy and awesome couple) We DO actually work on this stuff and it can get messy, especially after what we all went though the last few years

But it started Thursday night, and went I WENT BALLISTIC when it resumed the next evening. And yes, another part of my justified anger was that she didn’t even listen to my very calm and measured thoughts about the state of things and how i can improve and how lucky we are by literally every yard stick our society has artificially erected. No, she went right back in to all the things subway does wrong and I deliberately shut off the volume speed governor, and fucking let fly.

anyway , I had one of the busier Fridays of my year (both good and bad- banging my head against a lap top, no food shower or exercise for 11 hours dealing with other peoples mistakes, but did close a little $35k deal at the end so that was cool.) Anyway, I had a bunch of really humble and thoughtful remarks prepared for the olive branch I planned To extend when my wife came home from her $400 cut and color (yes, that of course is there intentionally) she is MUCH better than most wives with financially successful husbands. She does not spend thousands of dollars a month on clothes and nails and hair and laser treatments etc. but she DOES STILL SPEND QUITE A BIT, and not only do I not complain, I tell her it’s ok, we are a team, and she is overall pretty reasonable in her “girl spending”. It helps that her entire life can be lived in yoga outfits, and the LLC pays for the expensive tights


Here is where it got really ugly.


that olive branch was discarded and she picked up an olive log and went right back after me. While i was already hangry, angry, and yes I too have weaknesses. And I was just plain sick of her lazy half ass enjoying the ride bull sh!t while im literally breaking my brain to make sure BOTH of us can live our old age, if we get there, in relative comfort. THATS WHY I WORK. Surf trips and sport coats are nice, but the 15 years I have been earning, a few of them bona fide (bottom of the one percent) big years. Not every year, but enough of them. And yes fook me very much, that leads to resentment and she is blind as a bat to that stuff sometimes. I am 98% percent successful at being a good man. But she triggered a bit of the 2% and i had enough material to work with that i wove a masterpiece of just how fucked up we all are, and it’s ok. But she was FAR from off the hook and I let her know all the things she does and takes advantage of etc, and gave it to her like a goddamn hell fire preacher.

anyway, during my loud dominant yet brilliant monologue, that actually did address some of the simmering issues that needed airing, and because i hadn‘t eaten that day (it was 7:30 pm by that point) I cut a huge piece of chicken and just rifled it.. for the rest, see above.

chewing throughly is good advice, and I usually chew my food. I didn’t chew this giant piece of chicken because I was simultaneously raging at my wife with the manic and righteous anger of Walter Sobchak and the eloquence and logic and fucking clarity of Thoreau himself. Like, I was actually GETTING THROUGH to a woman!! and she was actually nodding and agreeing that she has a part in these simmering issues too, it ain’t all about me, my job, my money, my (10 years gone) drinking, my powerful brain with NO shut off valve, she actually acknowledged that she HAS been succeeding but also half assing the opportunity i so freely and joyfully gave her back in 2019 after she had just failed miserably at her 3rd job in 4 years And her self worth was hovering around 0. SHE BECAME A TOP SHELF YOGA TEACHER IN A FEW YEARS. Full stop. She works really, really hard at the challenges she enjoys. She hardly lifts a finger if it is something that is boring, challenging, and not instantly rewarded with the satisfaction of a class well taught.

I offered, and she accepted and excelled at, a whole new life. That was amazing. But 4 years later with a fledgling but thriving business, yes, when she watches 4 hours of HGTV every day and then is stupid and lazy enough to try and get me to do “yoga business social media work” after a 12 hour work day of my own, well, sorry not sorry you’re going to hear all about it. It just took a few months of this behavior before I finally lost hold of whatever emotional maturity I may gained in sobriety and adulthood. And I told her all of that verbatim. “I GAVE YOU THE WORDS FOR THE CAPTION SWEETIE, AND THEN YOU FUCKING TOLD ME TO “write it down for you” . Yes, I don’t care what gender, that’s just fucking rude, thoughtless, lazy, and retarded.

and that’s why I didn’t chew my chicken and just tried to swallow the whole thigh without even noticing, until I was almost dying.

happy Monday, my work day started an hour ago, my chest and stomach are still sore from the choking, and I leave for Huatulco on Saturday. Forecast is 10-15 feet the first few days. Legs and Lungs are in top shape. The arms and the recently dislocated shoulder will just have to keep up, or at least just not get in the way, my lungs and legs can handle the heavy lifting.

i dunno man, i have a hard and fast rule not to give other couples relationship advice but ima break that rule and just be absolutely straight with you here....

CHEW YOUR CHICKEN!!!

 

[Subway]

NOTED lol.

My adrenal system is still fucking nuked, and it's Tuesday afternoon, 4 days later....and I'm just sitting here in midtown typing and talking away and closing deals like whatever, all is right in the world again..... THen an hour ago, a nearby colleague (actually, our massive GM lol) dropped a plate of food and it was sort of loud and very "food-sounding" and HE actually yelped a bit loudly in relation to the "incident" and i sh!t you not i jumped out of my chair in fear, and was in an instant "mental prep" mode ready to Heimlich someone or another. My reaction actually scared the OTHER people around me lol. I mean, they know the story by now, and we all laughed, but that split second leap out of my chair was PRIMAL, baby. Our brains and bodies, as F-ed up as they often can be, are miracles of biology

 

[Subway]

Dude, after 29 years of active self-improvement, you must be awesome by now

he probably is, full stop. if you are even THINKING about creating a better version of yourself, you're on your way. And homeboy here has been working on it for 30 years