Do you ever lie to your spouse?

[youcantbeserious]

I used to. About surfboard purchases and weed. Dumb. I was young.

Now I just claim it all. My wife is cool. The lie is always (almost always) worse than the crime. Besides, if your spouse can't handle the real you, that's no way to live. I've been married for 22 years and spend a lot of time out of state in a van. I told my wife I'll never cheat but most other sh!t is fair game. She was cool with that and now I'm totally up front about everything. And I've never cheated.

 

[PPK96754]

I did actively lie twice about that. This comes after she freaked out 5 years ago when I got a medical weed card and she claimed that me smiking could ruin her career (not true) and that she would leave me if I didn't stop. Now, though, she's vaporizing CBD for pain and we have smoked together a few times over the years (because she wanted to).



She found out I was watching porn, asked me to stop, I said I did, then years later she found out I was still watching.

Downloads
Bookmarks
"History" ..... will / can make life miserable

smoking?
porn? are you telling her that you're looking for "better quality" or maybe some side action for yourself ... go surf and stay out of yer man cave ....

 

[Mr Doof]

I really just don't know what is normal in a marriage (I'm told mine is pretty fvcked up), so any personal perspectives from Y'all would be much appreciated.

1 - Marriage is a legal agreement about property rights and who has to pay for the spawn. You can add god (and all that goes with it) to the mix if you like, but to me, it seems like adding complexity with little benefit.

2 - A "normal marriage" should be about "I'm better with this person than without" when all things are weighed.

3 - Life is rarely perfect, no reason to think marriage would be any different, so no beating yourself up over things.

4 - If your or her behavior is such that you think you have to lie about it to keep the peace, then I would recommend having a frank discussion (no ultimatums unless there are lawyers with the both of you) somewhere that is not your residence. Set it up beforehand so it doesn't feel like a trap. Start small, like real small. No using your truth as a club and really, do you want to die on the hill of which way the toilet paper hangs?

5 - Been hitched since 2002, fair number of disagreements but probably no more/less than other mostly happy couples. Last mildly heated discussion was about calling for hazardous waste pick-up (used motor vehicle oil, old paint, and some fluorescent tubes) or taking it to the transfer station ourselves (myself really).

I have been married 26 years. i don't know sh!t about being married, or even about women in general. I just know what works for us.

We're well aware of why your marriage works for you two. I mean, this is your wife, right?

 

[$kully]

I never lie to my GF about porn. Always shrug my shoulders and say that’s just what guys do. And any guy that says otherwise is a liar. Early on in our relationship her mother busted her father on pornhub. He was going thru prostate cancer treatment and facing the reality of potential impotence. So naturally he was trying to make use of the time he had. Her mother treated him like some sick porn addict and read him the riot act. I defended him and explained to my GF that while she probably didn’t wanna think about her father looking at porn it’s perfectly normal unless it’s getting to the point of consuming his life or if he’s shelling out dough sending gifts to online performers. More than anything I laid the groundwork that she can’t call me a liar whenever she catches me.

 

[CutnSnip]

not married and a horrible liar but when dating I never let on how much weed I smoke at first. Always starts with yea you know if a homie passes me a J at a party ill take a hit, then im sneaking hits here and there to 1 month into the relationship taking bong hits in bed after sex, and in the morning, and in the afternoon. Gotta ease em into that sh!t and I dont date girls who smoke as much as me.

Porn im ok with my fetishes and am upfront. I really dont like hardcore sh!t. Just a cute girl in something sexy diddling herself is enough for me!

 

[$kully]

As far as weed goes, GF’s father is a heavyweight stoner. He used to tour as a sound guy with bands like Motley Crü in their heyday so he can more than hold his own. He’s recently retired and living his best Jimmy Buffet life. Pacifico’s and weed all day every day. So it lays down some cover for me cause I’ve always been a lightweight in comparison. I also quit smoking (smokers cough) about 3 or 4 months ago and I’m only consuming edibles these days. Mostly for sleep. As far as her knowledge of them goes, I don’t hide them and sometimes I’ll eat a gummy right in front of her. But they’re way more discrete than smoking and kind of a don’t ask don’t tell kind of thing which leaves little room for accusations of lying.

The most recent “lie” was when I went to mammoth and ended up hanging out with people and found out one was Covid positive after the fact. I had to tell her about potential exposure and that turned into a fight where I was accused of lying.

 

[sdsrfr]

Need to nip the controlling behaviors right away. Just ask “why“. If it’s “because I said so” say that’s not good enough, and make that clear. Sometimes they are right and you are wrong, others they are irrational and it gets cleared up once the smell test is applied (would a reasonable person agree to this or would they find it controlling behavior?)

hunny bunny can be controlling at times. But it’s usually bc she is losing control elsewhere and therefore gripping tightly on what she perceives she can. A bit of push back and we are back to even keel.

and no, I don’t lie to hunny bunny. no reason to. her bark is much worse than her bite and dishonesty, IMO, is a great way to sharpen those teeth.

 

[casa_mugrienta]

I never lie to my GF about porn.

Do you even have to?

She probably wants you wanking as much as possible.

Always shrug my shoulders and say that’s just what guys do. And any guy that says otherwise is a liar.

Really?

Is it "just what guys do"?

Or is it just what guys do because of the internet?

Prior to the internet did most married men usually make regular trips to pick up hardcore porno mags, hang out in adult movie theaters and relieve themselves in jack-off booths?

It's a question worth considering.

 

[Subway]

I used to. About surfboard purchases and weed. Dumb. I was young.

Now I just claim it all. My wife is cool. The lie is always (almost always) worse than the crime. Besides, if your spouse can't handle the real you, that's no way to live. I've been married for 22 years and spend a lot of time out of state in a van. I told my wife I'll never cheat but most other sh!t is fair game. She was cool with that and now I'm totally up front about everything. And I've never cheated.

Well said. Coming up on 11 years for us. I mean, she married a heavily drinking Alcholic during the prime of his drinking, so a bit of weed, vape, or edibles after work or on the weekends to keep me mellow and not so wiggy (my psychologist mothers term for me, thanks ma) and off the sauce, shes fine with it. And I wouldn’t stoop to hiding it from her anyway. “This is who you married, and that man is getting better every day, and building you a yoga business and setting you up for a very fulfilling second half” so, I dont have to take sh!t about it. Except maybe when im really baked and babbling through whatever show we are watching, that pisses her off lol. But Im all “hey, at least we are talking and laughing unlike half our married friends who are either getting divorced or totally miserable together”

 

[$kully]

Do you even have to?

She probably wants you wanking as much as possible.



Really?

Is it "just what guys do"?

Or is it just what guys do because of the internet?

Prior to the internet did most married men usually make regular trips to pick up hardcore porno mags, hang out in adult movie theaters and relieve themselves in jack-off booths?

It's a question worth considering.

The oldest profession is the oldest profession for a reason. Guys have always been finding ways to take care of things one way or another. Put down your bible and lighten up. And stop lying to your wife about porn.

 

[CutnSnip]

Do you even have to?

She probably wants you wanking as much as possible.



Really?

Is it "just what guys do"?

Or is it just what guys do because of the internet?

Prior to the internet did most married men usually make regular trips to pick up hardcore porno mags, hang out in adult movie theaters and relieve themselves in jack-off booths?

It's a question worth considering.

playboy and penthouse. at least thats what my da had around.

 

[casa_mugrienta]

playboy and penthouse. at least thats what my da had around.

It's not the same.

 

[$kully]

playboy and penthouse. at least thats what my da had around.

If you grew up in a house where your dad didn’t have porn mags hidden somewhere you probably weren’t looking hard enough. Or you probably didn’t have a dad. Or your dad was probably a pedo.

 

[grundy]

Mr Doof always bringin' the quality responses.

I can't think of any real lies I've told my wife, but I've also always made it a practice to lie poorly when I do lie to her ("did you eat all of the cashews?" "uhhh.... no?")

Once, a few years ago, we were in a conversation with my dad, and I just lied my ass off in order to bring the conversation to an end as quickly as possible (crazy family, crazy situation, and a conversation not worth pursuing). She had no idea that I was lying and it really shook her that I was actually able to lie effectively. Turns out she really was convinced that she could 100% tell when I was lying.

 

[casa_mugrienta]

The oldest profession is the oldest profession for a reason.

Oldest profession..you're hiring hookers?

Does she know about that too!?

Put down your bible and lighten up.

Bible? What bible?

And stop lying to your wife about porn.

I lie to my wife about porn?

Really?

Tell me more.

 

[$kully]

It's not the same.

You can make all the arguments you want about the availability of endless porn online and its effects on relationships and our society and I may actually agree with you. But it all serves the same purpose as the mags of yesteryear. It’s just an extreme example of evolution.

 

[Random Guy]

If someone is controlling, then understanding why is a good place to start
Like, you’re not allowed to smoke weed because you’ve let weed take over you’re life, or drive while high, or you’ve become psychologically addicted to it, and aren’t happy if you aren’t high,? That’s not controlling
If it’s because she believes that getting high is immoral and is subjecting you to her morals, that’s controlling

I’m not going to give differing porn scenarios

 

[casa_mugrienta]

If you grew up in a house where your dad didn’t have porn mags hidden somewhere you probably weren’t looking hard enough. Or you probably didn’t have a dad. Or your dad was probably a pedo.

That's some really solid logic.

 

[$kully]

Oldest profession..you're hiring hookers?

Does she know about that too!?



Bible? What bible?



I lie to my wife about porn?

Really?

Tell me more.

Nice leap. I only mentioned the oldest profession because men have ALWAYS been taking care of business one way or another. Prostitution predates printed publications and internet media by thousands of years. That’s why I brought it up. If anything the mags and internet have made things safer.

 

[$kully]

That's some really solid logic.

Do you really think your dad didn’t masturbate?