I had a fun 24 hours.
My back spasms have decreased in frequency, but increased in severity. For the most part, I can anticipate them a bit now,. Every time I stand up, I pause, flex my back, legs, and glutes, and wait for it. Every now and then they zap me unexpectedly and it's horrifying.
Yesterday I was helping make breakfast with Mrs. Dobbalina. I've gotten really nervous if people stand or move close to me because flinching usually leads to the worst spasms. We were at the sink and both turned around at the same time. I stumbled over my own feet, screamed something awful, and felt myself going down. Falling has been a real concern for a while. I couldn't step over the side of the tub the other day and it got me picturing falling in the bathroom. Thoughts of what I would break my head open on or the teeth I would lose stuck with me.
So as I'm falling and screaming (the pitch is so embarrasing because I don't really project my voice due to the pain associated with constricting my diaphragm), My body is continuing to spiral down. In my mind, it's sort of broken into still moments. The turn, the scream, the black out zap in my back, the tug on my legs, the thought of how I should try to land, the anticipation of pain, the fear of what might happen.
I land sort of crumpled with my feet underneath me and onto my knees. One hand was down behind supporting my upper body. I missed all hazards and scanned my body for the pain I was expecting. But it wasn't really there. I took a few minutes and breaths. I told the Mrs to clear everything out of the way (there was some recyclable trash next to the door), and not talk anymore after I assured her I was ok. I was surprised that I was able to manipulate my legs underneath me, reach up to the counter, and stand up with relative ease. It makes me curious what else I can do. Getting into bed is fucking awful, but I can fall on the ground?
Anyway. Sleep was almost non existent last night. My hips/glutes flaired up and ran pain and cramps up and down my legs all night. When I lay in bad, my hip/glute area feels like a ballon of hot pain waiting for me to put enough pressure on it so it will leak out down my leg. Last night, it did.
My surgeon reminded me this morning that the OR is closed until further notice. This is a fun journey.