We have 2.5. I tend not to use the kids bathroom because my daughter likely clogged it the night before.
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bowel movements and surfing
- Thread starter pastel
- Start date
Not once, but THREE TIMES, I've had to rip off my wetsuit down to my ankles, in the surf and blow one out. And two times were in the same session.
First, you have to just start paddling down current and preferably to a spot where nobody is at. People will wonder where you're going. Don't look back. Just keep paddling.
Second, the difficult task of getting your wetsuit down to your ankles, and doing so quick enough to avoid the zippered blowout. You're going to have to get off your board to do this.
Third is the most difficult. As you start to cleanse your system, you have to keep moving up current slowly to ensure adequate clearance. But at the same time, you have to keep your legs pointed down so your wetsuit is floating well below the poo line. You don't want to be laid out flat or you will cover your suit in brown ball of sadness.
It's quite challenging to swim with the entire weight of your wetsuit bound around your ankles. So I recommend dog paddling. You don't want to cause too much commotion though, so keep the arms underwater. Also be aware, dog paddling position will cause your ass to float near the surface. A bit awkward but necessary for wetsuit clearance.
Finally, after you're finished, reach down and try to get your suit back up to your waist without drowning, then head to the nearest shallow area to zip back up.
Additional notes: If you feel like your ass needs a wash, when you get to shallows, just bend over facing the waves and wait for next wall of whitewater. Nature's bidet will handle the rest.
First, you have to just start paddling down current and preferably to a spot where nobody is at. People will wonder where you're going. Don't look back. Just keep paddling.
Second, the difficult task of getting your wetsuit down to your ankles, and doing so quick enough to avoid the zippered blowout. You're going to have to get off your board to do this.
Third is the most difficult. As you start to cleanse your system, you have to keep moving up current slowly to ensure adequate clearance. But at the same time, you have to keep your legs pointed down so your wetsuit is floating well below the poo line. You don't want to be laid out flat or you will cover your suit in brown ball of sadness.
It's quite challenging to swim with the entire weight of your wetsuit bound around your ankles. So I recommend dog paddling. You don't want to cause too much commotion though, so keep the arms underwater. Also be aware, dog paddling position will cause your ass to float near the surface. A bit awkward but necessary for wetsuit clearance.
Finally, after you're finished, reach down and try to get your suit back up to your waist without drowning, then head to the nearest shallow area to zip back up.
Additional notes: If you feel like your ass needs a wash, when you get to shallows, just bend over facing the waves and wait for next wall of whitewater. Nature's bidet will handle the rest.
I got hassled in the K55 parking lot once by Federales brandishing machine guns. Practically sh!t my britches.
I sh!t at the beach before I go surfing. Usually I wake up long before sunrise, have breakfast and then drive out to do the morning turd at the beach 
Often this is what I do as well. Sometimes it just doesn't happen by the time I head out the door.I sh!t at the beach before I go surfing. Usually I wake up long before sunrise, have breakfast and then drive out to do the morning turd at the beach
Don't eat anything after about 12 noon the day before. That last meal should have lots of fiber. Then a couple little snacks, nuts or chips before bed. Only coffee and eggs for breakfast, final dump and shower before leaving home.
I heard the best possible routine is to sh!t once for each meal, so 3 dungs a day seems optimal. I don't walk that talk though.
What a great way to lay claim to your peak.
Yell out "This is what we do to kooks around here!" as you just stink eye the guy walking down the beach with your suit around your ankles.
I'm walking my dog bro, lighten up.
Yell out "This is what we do to kooks around here!" as you just stink eye the guy walking down the beach with your suit around your ankles.
I'm walking my dog bro, lighten up.
Might have told this story on here in the past but can’t remember. College years in San Diego had a big night of drinking then woke up to sunny glassy conditions with a pumping new swell in the water. I hit the local burrito spot for a breakfast burrito and grabbed a coffee.
Scarffed down the burrito and chugged the coffee on the drive from PB to Blacks. Got to the Gliderport and ran down the trail full speed to glassy OH wedges. Due to the weather and waves the trail, beach and lineup were already packed at 10AM. Paddled out, sat on my board and all of the sudden my stomach grumbled and I knee I was fucked.
I looked in at the beach and saw there wasn’t more than 20’ of space without someone around. Hiking up the trail wasn’t an option as this was a 5 minute max deadline I was working with. Assessed the lineup and saw a solid 50 guys to the north and south of me.
After a quick deliberation my best bet was to paddle north, strip the suit, and do an aquaturd in the lineup if I could make it. I started paddling north and immediately the pressure and pain was excruciating. My sphincter failed me and I let it go. It felt like a geyser in my suit for a solid 30 seconds.
I kept paddling north with a huge pile of sh!t on my lower back. As I paddled past the bystanders I felt eyes on me and had a feeing they were eyeballing the irregular bulge on my lower back akin to a hunchback but in a weird spot. After paddling a solid football field away from any other surfer I stripped my suit off and a plume of reddish brown expanded around me. I paddled out of nude but would say it was a solid 30’ radius.
Once in clear water I swam around for a while naked rinsing my corn and flapping my suit around.
Edited to add PARAGRAPH RETURNS
Scarffed down the burrito and chugged the coffee on the drive from PB to Blacks. Got to the Gliderport and ran down the trail full speed to glassy OH wedges. Due to the weather and waves the trail, beach and lineup were already packed at 10AM. Paddled out, sat on my board and all of the sudden my stomach grumbled and I knee I was fucked.
I looked in at the beach and saw there wasn’t more than 20’ of space without someone around. Hiking up the trail wasn’t an option as this was a 5 minute max deadline I was working with. Assessed the lineup and saw a solid 50 guys to the north and south of me.
After a quick deliberation my best bet was to paddle north, strip the suit, and do an aquaturd in the lineup if I could make it. I started paddling north and immediately the pressure and pain was excruciating. My sphincter failed me and I let it go. It felt like a geyser in my suit for a solid 30 seconds.
I kept paddling north with a huge pile of sh!t on my lower back. As I paddled past the bystanders I felt eyes on me and had a feeing they were eyeballing the irregular bulge on my lower back akin to a hunchback but in a weird spot. After paddling a solid football field away from any other surfer I stripped my suit off and a plume of reddish brown expanded around me. I paddled out of nude but would say it was a solid 30’ radius.
Once in clear water I swam around for a while naked rinsing my corn and flapping my suit around.
Edited to add PARAGRAPH RETURNS
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C’mon broski, it takes courage to talk about the day your “consecutive days without shitting yourself” streak ends.