1 She needs a will (this is mostly for the family, legal system won't care about until things get really messy)
2 She needs advanced care directive (discuss with her offspring, spouse/partnert, brothers, sisters)
3 She needs to get her finances, legal docs, (accounts, holdings, insurance, property, any past tax filings, etc) in order. Get a file/box to store this.
4 She needs an executor
5 She needs someone with Power of Attorney (financial and medical)
6 She needs her online life minimized
7 She needs someone to track all this and make it available upon demand by other family...no hiding stuff
8 Write down her SS #, date of birth, maiden name, blah blah blah.
In a better world, the executor/ POA (financial and medical) would be already assigned/done before she got diagnosed with dementia. [If not diagnosed, get it done ASAP! There is easy legal forms on the internet that can be printed, just need them filled out and notarized.] The POA is to help executor cut through red tape with banks, local govts, IRS, brokerage houses, etc., as well as give protection to executor when closing accounts in her name (especially if you do this online). Peace of mind is well worth the cost of notary.
Accounts.....get someone else on the account. Joint accounts transfer to other person upon death. Really cuts through red tape and more importantly, can legally use account funds to pay for what needs to be paid for. This stuff needs to be tracked so your family doesn't think she is being ripped off. Ended up sending periodic Excel spreadsheets to the siblings that tracked everything from sold off trinkets and tax filings for full transparency.
With no will, usually estate goes to spouse then offspring then other family (via probate). Doesn't stop people stealing possessions from homes or storage units, etc.
The online world....hopefully she doesn't have much of one. If she has online accounts with banks, retirement funds, insurance companies, etc., start locking that stuff down. Write down usernames and passwords. Moving $$ without protection of POA opens you up to legal action (though unlikely unless someone narcs on you, and yeah, family will do this).
Unclaimed property.....most states have an unclaimed property division.
This is California's. Dear old mom moved a bunch in the decade before she died. She lost track of dividend checks, SDI payments, tax refunds, etc. Lots of it ended up in the unclaimed property. It took a LLLOOOONNNNGGGGG time to get it back. Start looking into this today. Would have been so much easier for her to claim it while she was alive. As executor, had to make repeated efforts to get it (by they way, you will need death certificates, get some when she passes). The brokerage accounts she opened for the grandchildren 30 yrs back were especially difficult to unravel, in part because some of the grandchildren were over 18 and couldn't be bothered for $700 worth of stock and since the accounts were opened in their name and SS #, they didn't belong to dear old mom so I couldn't clear them as executor. (By the way, alerted the mother-in-law to a tax refund she missed that ended up in unclaimed property. She gave me $100 as a reward. Not a 10% finder's fee, but am sure it helped my status. Would totally recommend everyone do this for themselves and their family. )
When your mom dies, it is going to suck. Moreso when you have a mess to clean up afterwards. Start organizing the eventuality now. Won't be fun, may not be easy, but will help you get through the aftermath with less hassle. It is not ghoulish at all...unless you are trying to scam your family by doing so. Then you are a wood chipper material that should be fed to ghouls.
Not unlike Aunt June and my youngest older sister. Real estate agent had changed the will that cut off my sister. Aunt June did not get along with her surviving son and had written him out decades prior. He went after the real estate agent in probate. Never did find out what eventually happen, don't care to; he was a mean SOB with a long legal reach.
Let me tell you about the dot com bust that evaporated this dream.
