I waited two days to type this up, to be sure I wanted to share it. It should be shared.
A couple of nights ago, at the end of my drive home, and a long day of Italian restaurant style in fighting, training employees, listening to people's problems, solving what i can...i had given in and smoked some bowls. My stash is crazy, and I'm not throwing it away lol....i was watching the office in my car. Andy and Dwitght were playing "country road" to a female. For some reason, I broke down.
I started to cry, and I decided "fvck it, let what wants to happen happen"
I played the Denver version, the Toots and the Maytals version, and the IZ "makaha" version. I cried my eyes out for over ten minutes.
I was smiling, laughing, but full on ugly crying. Embracing it.
You know what? I needed that shlt. Since I last cried, I've done....everything else! Fought, won, lost, moved, bought cars, been in relationships, had sex with strangers, learned new skills, made art, surfed a thousand times.....but there was somewhere I hadn't let myself go in...ten.damn.years.
I wasn't sad. I just needed to go there, emotionally.
I waited two days to be sure that I could say this.
I needed that. It helped. I've felt great since.
I don't think i could do it to myself, on purpose. But I am so happy that I felt that, for whatever reason. I needed to.