anyone else kind of starting to lose it? NOT suicide watch, this isn't a cry for help, just a vent. all of the yoga, peloton, boardwalk bike rides, even surfed the last couple of days. I'm really tan, and thinner than I've pretty much ever been. And i just keep sinking. my industry could very well be dead for years. I really tried, especially the last couple years, not to attach my "self worth" to my "net worth" and so i'm not really depressed about the lack of income I'm facing after the 20th of this month (who am i kidding yes i am)- it's more about the lack of future prospects. And i'm just getting more and more impatient, intolerant, at times i even feel like i'm on the edge of a panic attack or whatever. racing heart, clammy hands etc. I want to break sh!t. I try not to take it out on my wife and pets, for the most part successfully. Although the puppy did eat a 1/4 bar of surf wax this morning while i was out surfing and now the little shitzu mutt has sticky bumps "cool water" all matted up in her beard and paws and legs. which normally would be hysterical but this morning it nearly sent me into a rage. A buddy of mine beeped his car horn at me when he saw me in the super market parking lot a couple hours ago and i immediately shoved my cart away and spun on the guy ready to start fighting, until i realized it was my buddy. Even still he was like "whoa man, that was a really dark and angry response, are you ok?" nerves are frayed to a thread.
Spa music aint working like it used to. retail therapy isn't an option (and what do i really need anyway?) and i just do pull ups and push ups all day which now just make me angry as well. I was using talk space for a while, but dude was basically regurgitating the same sh!t you would hear or read in any self help book or article. And then when i saw how expensive the next 6 months would be i quickly cancelled that. There is really no escape from this twilight zone. I can't drink, so please don't suggest that as an avenue of escape, TIA.
My vegetables aren't really flourishing like i expected either. yellow squash is coming in, got a few that are shaping up nicely. But the zucchini plant has one pathetic little zuke, nothing on the beefsteak tomato plant yet. Cayenne peppers coming up, but i told my wife to get jalapeno and she got those instead and i have no idea WTF i'm going to do with all of those peppers. Homemade hot sauce i guess. i wanted to pickle fresh jalapenos.
How are you all doing?
Spa music aint working like it used to. retail therapy isn't an option (and what do i really need anyway?) and i just do pull ups and push ups all day which now just make me angry as well. I was using talk space for a while, but dude was basically regurgitating the same sh!t you would hear or read in any self help book or article. And then when i saw how expensive the next 6 months would be i quickly cancelled that. There is really no escape from this twilight zone. I can't drink, so please don't suggest that as an avenue of escape, TIA.
My vegetables aren't really flourishing like i expected either. yellow squash is coming in, got a few that are shaping up nicely. But the zucchini plant has one pathetic little zuke, nothing on the beefsteak tomato plant yet. Cayenne peppers coming up, but i told my wife to get jalapeno and she got those instead and i have no idea WTF i'm going to do with all of those peppers. Homemade hot sauce i guess. i wanted to pickle fresh jalapenos.
How are you all doing?
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