Mental Health thread

[grapedrink]

friend texted me last night when I was in bed that he needed some kelp.
For some reason I obliged, when I met him at the bar around the corner he was out of his mind very drunk saying he decided to end it all.
I was trying to tell him to chill because someone was gonna freak out on him or call authorities. Walked him to my place and let him talk for awhile. He is manic as hell and fixated on his ex, if he can't win her back its game over. Apparently he had done mushrooms the day before and the big revelation was that everything means nothing so fook it.

sheesh man, told him he needs to take a few weeks no more drinking or drugs and focus on a single day at a time, if that's too much an hour, etc.

I know some people can benefit from psychedelics but it can also throw people further into the deep end.

Good luck and good on you for lending an ear. My friend was in real bad shape about 4 years ago and in a crisis regarding his professional life (or lack thereof) and knew that his situation was because of life choices and habits from the previous 10-12 years. I spent a lot of time listening and trying to coach him through the steps of getting that on track. I was worried he would do himself in at that point but 3-6 months after it seemed like he was doing better, found a new chick and at least got some sporadic carpentry work. Unfortunately some other issues got in the way recently and he fell right back into his last downward spiral. At the end of the day, people have to want to do the work to get better, and it seems he was too beaten down at that point.

 

[Waterlogged05]

thanks man, sorry to hear that.

It is frustrating watching people especially who are bipolar because they can have things going so well before it turns

I prefer to keep a steady flow of mediocrity in my life

trying to joke here but that was one of the biggest lessons recently is that things don't always need to be amazing or terrible, sometimes things are just ok and that's ok

 

[Random Guy]

Anyone else remember the mad tv recurring sketches “lowered expectations”?
It’s one of the keys to happiness
Or at least contentment
(not so much for dating, like on Madge, but in general)

 

[afoaf]

thanks man, sorry to hear that.

It is frustrating watching people especially who are bipolar because they can have things going so well before it turns

I prefer to keep a steady flow of mediocrity in my life

trying to joke here but that was one of the biggest lessons recently is that things don't always need to be amazing or terrible, sometimes things are just ok and that's ok

comparison is the thief of joy

I am pumped when my life is just...mundane

 

[grapedrink]

comparison is the thief of joy

I am pumped when my life is just...mundane

There's nothing mundane about the strange you've been perving the last few years you bad boi

 

[afoaf]

There's nothing mundane about the strange you've been perving the last few years you bad boi

 

[Autoprax]

comparison is the thief of joy

But what you if you are comparing yourself to someone else and you see that you are better than they?

That is PURE JOY!

 

[SurfFuerteventura]

But what you if you are comparing yourself to someone else and you see that you are better than they?

That is PURE JOY!

Is it though?

 

[casa_mugrienta]

don't get shacked up until you're 40, at least!

By shacked up you mean moving in with a woman. right?

 

[afoaf]

By shacked up you mean moving in with a woman. right?

yes, but in many ways I see that as very similar to marriage

extricating yourself from cohabitation is only slightly less Sisyphean than divorce

 

[Autoprax]

Is it though?

For some.

I tell my students they need a thing.

It doesn't matter what the thing is.

But this is true for me but not everyone.

Some people just want pals.

 

[casa_mugrienta]

yes, but in many ways I see that as very similar to marriage

extricating yourself from cohabitation is only slightly less Sisyphean than divorce

Unpopular opinion:

Get married before the age of 30. It will help maintain their mental health.

After 35, in terms of finding a serious relationship...among those I know there is nothing good I see.

It really does seem like a large majority of the types of females you want to marry get taken between 25 and their early 30s.

By 35 though...most have lived with a few different guys, slept with plenty more, had a kid (or two or three), or developed some nasty habits, or have a psycho ex-husband or ex-baby daddy. Or lingering ex-lover. Or an intolerable personality/behaviors. Etc.

In short, lots of baggage.

Not all, but most.

The single never married guys I know in their late 30s and 40s are not having fun on the dating apps (as dating apps are all we've devolved to using). They just seem lost and disillusioned (i.e. what have I gotten myself into?) because they're now seeing the lack of good partners available. I'm sure porn viewership and a daily weed habit isn't doing them any favors.

The single never married women in their later 30s I know all have standards that are too high. Being woke/modern feminist (but actually desiring a guy who isn't woke/modern feminist) produces further issues. There's also this thing where getting male validation on dating apps is just enough to satisfy their ego, then they just move on seeking the next validation.

 

[CutnSnip]

i love the apps. its a grind and it takes time but meeting girls has never been easier.

but yea youre right about the baggage part. the older the more baggage. I come into a relationship with zero baggage, great family/upbringing, no debt/ meical issues etc. and im always surprised how much drama some of these woman have been through. also surprised at how much debt alot of these chicks have which is a huge turn off for me.

that said to keep my mental health in check - i'll probably never get married. just doesnt fit into my spontaneity and i have trouble comprising when it comes to my own free time.

 

[grapedrink]

The single never married guys I know in their late 30s and 40s are not having fun on the dating apps (as dating apps are all we've devolved to using). They just seem lost and disillusioned (i.e. what have I gotten myself into?) because they're now seeing the lack of good partners available. I'm sure porn viewership and a daily weed habit isn't doing them any favors.

This greatly depends on your geography and local demographics. For the most part the apps greatly increase your exposure and chances of meeting women and having sexitimes. However your chances of meeting someone you are actually compatible with, while probably better overall just by virtue of numbers, does not increase at nearly the same rate. You end up spending a lot of time and money with chicks you have little in common with other than the fact that you are both DTF each other. Which is fine for a few dates but wares off. Plus even when you do meet someone you click with, you are bothing dealing with the whole "paradox of choice"/"900 channels and nothing to watch"/FOMO that there is someone better, because you can always open the app and treat potential mates like something you are shopping for on Amazon with easy returns.

Otherwise, I mostly agree with your post. Dating gets weird in the 35+ yet still hoping to get married and start a family contingent

 

[afoaf]

all very valid points

I've been off the apps and focusing on a relationship with a single individual (pronouns: she/her)
and I generally have a better disposition...I'm not always looking and wondering and worrying

I kinda got lucky on this one, though

my "not until your 40" shpiel probably isn't a great idea, in practice, I just don't want to see them
get mixed up with someone too young.

there is a lot of growing that happens between 30 and 40 for both genders, but the feeling that
you need to lock it down for fear of winding up alone is real

 

[CutnSnip]

but the feeling that you need to lock it down for fear of winding up alone is real

thats the catch - i dont want to die alone. i want to be one of those guys that get's married after 60...preferably to someone much younger

 

[Autoprax]

Randomness plays a big part in mate selection.

That said, be careful who you marry.

 

[afoaf]

everyone dies alone

 

[Autoprax]

everyone dies alone

Your nervous system loves you and wants to keep you safe.

It knows what to do when you die.

It's been training for that task since forever.

We get into trouble when we think the "self" is running the show. It's a team effort.

the feeling that
you need to lock it down for fear of winding up alone is real

I never had that fear.

I have other fears but not that one.

I have a fear of being a burden to someone else.

 

[bigglesworth]

I have a fear of being a burden to someone else.

They will likely be a burden to you as well.

All relationships are, after a fashion, transactional. I don’t mean this in a cynical way. Simply that Philia and Eros are integral to survival. They don’t exist in some sphere of purity.

Interesting to hear some of the rationale on staying single vs. getting married. It’s a difficult path either way.

As a 38 year-old I can say that the women in the over 35 crowd leave something to be desired. I don’t usually throw this terminology around but, they are the dregs.

That said, on the other end of the spectrum, I’ve gone up to about 10 years younger and it’s as though they are technology-addled. Difficult to talk to.