Mental Health thread

Why_was_I_banned

Billy Hamilton status
Sep 5, 2020
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I was going to drive my sons to Reno so we could see her, but....

are they too young?

we had a good visit in August.

now I feel like a sh!t and don't know what the right move is
My parents kept me from my Grandparents at the end. I think it was wrong of them. I think kids can see past the situation, to the loved one . U should go and taked them
 

Autoprax

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Jan 24, 2011
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I was going to drive my sons to Reno so we could see her, but....

are they too young?

we had a good visit in August.

now I feel like a sh!t and don't know what the right move is
I say no.

I was in the room when mom died and that is the worst memory of my life. I still have grief burst when the image comes into my mind.

It will just be a bad memory.

Who needs that as a kid?

*I just saw every surfers response.

Who's right?

You must decide.

(Hint: me) :dancing:
 

TheEl

Nep status
Oct 31, 2010
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my .02

My mom needed brain surgery to remove a tumor when I was about 18. Long story short, she was bed ridden for the next ten years until she passed. Now, most of my memories of her are those bed ridden years. I remember her prior but that is what is most fresh in my memory.

I say let them remember the good.

On the other hand life is fucking brutal and maybe its best not to shield them from reality.

We don't have kids so take that for what its worth.
 

Why_was_I_banned

Billy Hamilton status
Sep 5, 2020
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I say no.

I was in the room when mom died and that is the worst memory of my life. I still have grief burst when the image comes into my mind.

It will just be a bad memory.

Who needs that as a kid?

*I just saw every surfers response.

Who's right?

You must decide.

(Hint: me) :dancing:
Could be Auto is right. I'm pretty fücked up by my parents, so I'm really not an expert in such matters.
 

Autoprax

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I'm an expert.

The kids will play it either way if they are so inclined.

Damn if you do or you don't.

So do what you think is right.

I say Don't take them to see grammy before she dies.

I had a friend who died of cancer and at the end he was screaming how he hated me.

This was after I carried him into the hospital on my back and he pissed all over me when they originally diagnosed him with ball cancer.

And I spent the year taking him to chemo and blah blah blah.

We have another friend we grew up with who is kind of a dick but kind of charming too who didn't really help him at all.

At the end the friend with cancer was screaming, "I want Kyle! fvvk you Autoprax, you fucking know it all!"

I put the food I brought over so he had stuff to eat down and left and didn't talk to him again and he died a week later.

No good dead goes unpunished. :violin:

As long as you act on that truth you are fine.
 
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Random Guy

Duke status
Jan 16, 2002
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Hey afoaf, sorry you and your family are going through this
Everyone handles this stuff differently
You know your kids best
Do what you think will be best

Edit: if you’re deciding to follow autoprax’s expert advice because you think your kid is a psychological copy of autoprax, then good luck. If that’s the cases, sorry, man, you’ve got tougher sh*t to deal with than your grandmothers death :drowning:
 

santacruzin

Miki Dora status
Oct 17, 2007
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I’m sorry Afoaf that’s rough. I am with auto, I saw loved ones sick and on their death beds young and it fucked me up.
I think I even discovered my aunt literally dead in her house but I was so young it’s fuzzy.I don’t know if my sister and I found her or if I imagined that .

as a result I am all fucked up about trauma. I am drunk and oversharing here
 
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Why_was_I_banned

Billy Hamilton status
Sep 5, 2020
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I'm an expert.

The kids will play it either way if they are so inclined.

Damn if you do or you don't.

So do what you think is right.

I say Don't take them to see grammy before she dies.

I had a friend who died of cancer and at the end he was screaming how he hated me.

This was after I carried him into the hospital on my back and he pissed all over me when they originally diagnosed him with ball cancer.

And I spent the year taking him to chemo and blah blah blah.

We have another friend we grew up with who is kind of a dick but kind of charming too who didn't really help him at all.

At the end the friend with cancer was screaming, "I want Kyle! fvvk you Autoprax, you fucking know it all!"

I put the food I brought over so he had stuff to eat and left and didn't talk to him again and he died a week later.

No good dead goes unpunished. :violin:

As long as you act on that truth you are fine.
I went through about the same thing with my dad when he was dying. Except he picked my brother instead, because I was the step son.
 

Autoprax

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Edit: if you’re deciding to follow autoprax’s expert advice because you think your kid is a psychological copy of autoprax, then good luck. If that’s the cases, sorry, man, you’ve got tougher sh*t to deal with than your grandmothers death
Your just mad because I compared you to a skinless Asian dog with a lot of allergies and tried to crush your dream of fish ownership.

My sister told me today I was a very aware and evolved human.:nana:
 
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the janitor

Tom Curren status
Mar 28, 2003
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north of the bridge
I was going to drive my sons to Reno so we could see her, but....

are they too young?

we had a good visit in August.

now I feel like a sh!t and don't know what the right move is
If grandma is comfortable and lucid - meaning she'd appreciate it - and you can get there before it gets truly rough I'd go and bring them. If no to those criteria then it is choose your own adventure time. Good luck
 

afoaf

Duke status
Jun 25, 2008
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If grandma is comfortable and lucid - meaning she'd appreciate it - and you can get there before it gets truly rough I'd go and bring them. If no to those criteria then it is choose your own adventure time. Good luck
she's on morphine and lorazepam...my mom says she just sleeps but is periodically
lucid and sometimes really piqued

my first grandmother had an open casket, but I refused to view because I remember
her standing on the porch waving goodbye to us with a big smile the last time we saw
her
 
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JBerry

Billy Hamilton status
Dec 8, 2017
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I was going to drive my sons to Reno so we could see her, but....

are they too young?

we had a good visit in August.

now I feel like a sh!t and don't know what the right move is
Really sorry to hear about this man.
FWIW, My 9,7 yr olds, when we talk about the grandparents aging(91,87) and saying goodbye, well, they are not looking forward to it, which is heartbreaking to say the least. Our 2 sensitive young ones, realizing that at some point in their near very young futures, will have to endure this time, to which they've already proclaimed how sad and upset they'd be. To which I say it is truly a remarkable and amazing thing to see our kids with so much love and empathy, care and sensitivity.

20 yrs ago when my wifes other grandpa was in a similar situation as your gma, she asked me what would I do? Go see him one last time? or not go. I encouraged her to go, with her dad. To this day, she is still really glad that she went to see him. He passed shortly after her visit.

Whatever you decide, the fact that you post about it here, means to me that she has been a shining light in your life, and that rather look at the potential bad outcomes of this visit, I'd try to think about all the good times you had with her in your life, and if you take your kids, teach them a little bit more about those things, and help them understand a bit more.

Peace be with you afoaf!
 

afoaf

Duke status
Jun 25, 2008
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the nurse said she had no more than 2 or 3 days left

I packed up and drove to June to sleep for a bit and then went the rest of the way to Reno
before dawn the next morning.

when I walked in her front door I found her bed set up in the living room; I was startled by seeing her
so suddenly.

she was bundled up in bed asleep. her red hair was all wild on the pillow.

I sat with her for an hour, held her hand, and listened to her breathe

when the nurse came for her visit I snuck one of mimi's cigarettes and smoked it in the back yard

when it was time to go I said some words in her ear, gave her a kiss goodbye, and started the drive
back home

I only got about 30 minutes away before my mom called to say that she passed
 

Bob Dobbalina

Gerry Lopez status
Feb 23, 2016
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the nurse said she had no more than 2 or 3 days left

I packed up and drove to June to sleep for a bit and then went the rest of the way to Reno
before dawn the next morning.

when I walked in her front door I found her bed set up in the living room; I was startled by seeing her
so suddenly.

she was bundled up in bed asleep. her red hair was all wild on the pillow.

I sat with her for an hour, held her hand, and listened to her breathe

when the nurse came for her visit I snuck one of mimi's cigarettes and smoked it in the back yard

when it was time to go I said some words in her ear, gave her a kiss goodbye, and started the drive
back home

I only got about 30 minutes away before my mom called to say that she passed

Sorry for your loss. My dad was in hospice 2 years ago. It's a bizarre experience.
I stayed there for days. I went out to take a walk with my mom and wife for 30 minutes and they called to say he was gone.
 
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CutnSnip

Michael Peterson status
Sep 11, 2018
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Probably dropping in on you, California
the nurse said she had no more than 2 or 3 days left

I packed up and drove to June to sleep for a bit and then went the rest of the way to Reno
before dawn the next morning.

when I walked in her front door I found her bed set up in the living room; I was startled by seeing her
so suddenly.

she was bundled up in bed asleep. her red hair was all wild on the pillow.

I sat with her for an hour, held her hand, and listened to her breathe

when the nurse came for her visit I snuck one of mimi's cigarettes and smoked it in the back yard

when it was time to go I said some words in her ear, gave her a kiss goodbye, and started the drive
back home

I only got about 30 minutes away before my mom called to say that she passed
sorry for your loss. pouring one out for your loved ones.
 

afoaf

Duke status
Jun 25, 2008
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I think she had a pretty good death

I know that sometimes hospice care can last a long time, but she basically went
from ambulatory to unconscious in a couple of days.

she settled all her accounts with friends and family, got a blessing from the priest,
and slipped away

I should have hung around and tried to get the left over morphine....