WARNING. IVE BEEN WORKING AND COMING BACK TO THIS ONE POST FOR 24 hours. It’s long and epic AF but it really is my normal daily posting, I just didn’t have time to ever finish; let alone click post. And I type so damn fast I have to edit. And the below is the result. That’s an insight and line of thought in its own right. And yes we are ALL this self absorbed. I just enjoy being as ruthless with myself as I can bear. My shrink nailed that. My verbosity of tongue and pen is both a gift and an outlet and also quite nuts and worthy of documenting.
anyway you have been warned. It’s probably 2 entire chapters of a decent but not overly long memoir. The journaling method as it is aptly named.
here goes.
i banned myself for 18 hours (24 now really) so I could unwind from all the mental health work we have all been doing. This is what I came back to. A story so similar to mine and yet the exact opposite result (so far- this post and this trip may change all of that.
And my heart aches for you homie. But you will ALWAYS be fine even when it all goes to sh!t because YOU have you, (and us too, as weird as THAT sounds) and you’re a rock solid SOB
You’re no 10-ply degen, and anyone who has been on this forum more than a few weeks would agree (and speak up if you don’t agree/ I get to ban you). I hope the marriage works out because men tend to live longer whilst married. But, if it is done- I say “welcome to the rest of your incredibly blessed and full of surf and sex and naps and no whining noises from roommates/wives” life. I think you will thrive either way, but yes, even with that level of positivity, it’s a very challenging head space irregardless
. I’m in that boat too, just not quite as far down the river and open sea as you may or may not be. Life is never dull for us. For better or for worse.
I don’t know what is going to happen bud. Hell, my wife and I seem to have made it through last week’s “let’s get a divorce” chat, but, there is a slim chance she may move out while I’m in Mexico. I doubt it. But like, 94% sure is NOT 100.
but recent events with a certain young woman have demanded a voice in the script and I just now, the night before my flight to life affirming macking mainland point surf, along comes the ONE CANDIDATE worth of a second thought, let alone rushing it all.
And my wife, just a few days ago on the heels of our giant divorce fight. also mysteriously told me “if you need a fling with a young hottie since you have this whole new physical appearance and sexual energy/ I would give you one free, and not leave you”. I’m not even really paraphrasing too much. Just condensed the statement a bit. She didn’t even make a dramatic thing about it.She casually said if my brand new attractive self is screaming for even just a fling with one of the young women that flirt with me (even in front of my wife- chicks really are ruthless)
that statement alone is probably worth 5 threads of debate and forum members scratching heads.
oh and, not surprisingly, this is the young work hottie that just resigned last month and has had a very blatant crush on me for a year? She’s in Mexico as I type this and is planning a few days in huatuclo while we are there this coming weekend/week.
And my wife KNOW THIS and KNOWS THIS YOUNG WOMAN AND REALLY LIKES HER. She took care of our dogs and stayed in our home when we were on Eleuthera last month (seriously; what in the actual fuck do I have any right to complain about?) and my wife digs her whole vibe too. she’s 29, kind of “sexy tomboy rock and roll thing” and normally I want nothing to do with women under 30. Not aesthetically of course. That’s not the issue. But even the smartest girls are mostly as retarded as any other 20-something and they all can get off my lawn. I do in fact require some intellect and mental vigor to actually get my interest. And the young pretty women I DO meet with a brain? I respect and want to hear them talk and be impressed; with those rare wise young women, I really don’t sexualize them
. This girl is smart, sarcastic, she babbles like me, she has the same weird sense of humor, she knows and loves talking about weird random sh!t. shes not model hot but definitely a fine looking young woman and i LIKE that she is hot but not a 10. Makes her more Matthew and easier to be around.
Dark hair and deep eyes full of mischief and “I dare you to outcharm me” staring me right back in the face. We both know full well the amount of sexual tension between us and my wife does too. I have resisted and even discouraged it for the 18 months we sat next to each other in cube land.
and my wife, knowing this cauldron of 29 year old adventure and sex appeal is LITERALLY going to huatuclo to see me, my wife just happened to “casually” give me permission to have a brief affair to take my new sports car to the race track for a few nights.
A: she (the young woman) is genuinely taking a year off from work life to explore Mexico and the rest of Latin America and wants to see huatulco (she’s seen all the surf pics I have from last summers trip). It is not actually all about me for a change (hardy har) but she just broke up from a long distance romance with young Spaniard (2 year relationship/ far away but she has some money I think and is very well travele). And now she just wants to see and explore Latin American and has the means to do so. Look me in the eye and tell me you would not beat least intrigued by such a cool young woman, and the mystery of all the “white Lotus” chaos that I can make happen with no more than a taco and the discretion of my travel squad. Both of whom are memehers here hut will read aallllll Of This. But not until the trio is over cause neither of them post much or even come here. Not like any regulars but you all mostlyknow them or of them. They have a fri t row seat to this possible wild few nights of passion between two consenting adults in different life phases. This chick ain’t gold bricking or break homes. She comes from some money and is PLENTY smart and hot enough to have company on demand. Literally. Theses apps you guys get to use- it sounds like fish in a barrel if you have a 5% success rate lol
B: gets more intriguing. I’m not that naive though I can be when it comes to women and what they will ACTUALLY do, if they want someone something. And all my spider senses, for 18 months, have been triggered by this chick. She might say the right things about how much she respects and admires the marriage we have, and how reassuring it is to know there are in fact happily monogamous men. Hell she even charmed my wife to the extent my wife and I discussed seducing her into bed with both of us. No hyperbole. And very much still on the table (and in the spank bank)
There is a VERY loud voice in my head that screams “bulllshit- you want this and you don’t care (very much anyway) if “getting it” destroys a mostly awesome marriage in the process.
my wife may even be laying a trap, in her own naive way, hoping to get more from me in a divorce due to infidelity. But I’ve said it recently. I can always make more money but I have yet to learn how to make more time. She is Machiavellian enough, but probably not fast enough to execute such an intricate honey pot in a matter of days. If she is- I’m not worthy of her anyway and she should rule a small country already .
Either way- my wife knows the girl. Knows the girl has a serious crush on me. Knows the girl is ALREADY in Mexico. And knows the girl wants to and is “planning” to make it to HUX for a few days to see me and the boys do some surfing. In fact my wife and I (because I wasn’t going to let that funny potential meat up visit lead to accusations of infidelity) actually talked to her together about her trip just so we all know we all are cool. Full stop.
Ok. Chapter 56789 in the can. I need to shower, but a semi gun before luke closes fucking the shop, and fly to HUX tomorrow morning with my best friend who knows ALL of this and yet none of it. I will of course give the boys the truth if the matter if and when my little cutie shows up at Hux,, and I have obviously made no decisions whatsoever and even more likely it’s my imagination and adrenal glands firing on all cylinders going for choking to death to the best (potential) surf trip of my life in 7 day.
I think that’s worth journalling and again. I did in fact make a decision to just take a day or two to post ALLLLL of this at once and get it right and yes; make it fun. But that’s what we all want out of life and erBB is often a fuck load of FUN and of course
@ElOgro i will keep you updated too
Future rich one hit wonder author- out