I'm starting to get worried that you may not be joking.
About what?
Never surfing again?
There are some things one should never joke about, and that is one of them.
My avatar photo is of me pretty much crying at Desert Point, Lombok, Indonesia
hailed as “the greatest wave on the planet”
that I’ll never get to surf again
thanks to radiation. And stuff like that.
Cannibalism...
This was me crying my ass off about the death of surfing at Desert Point “the best wave in the world”
.
I tried to move there permanently but the locals wanted me to convert to cannibalism. True story.
Here is a closer-up of me transgender, at Padang Padang where John told me I should live if it can’t be North Shore or Desert Point
.
And this is what I look like these days:
Maybe you read the post where I spelled out how my relationship with the surf media began, in an effort to assert my credibility.
For the first time ever, I hereby state that my relationship with John John began the same way:
it was John who first opened the door for a relationship to begin,
not the other way around.
I did NOT begin our partnership
and
if it continues
it is only because John wills it so.
EVERY OCCASION we meet up in person was John’s idea
NEVER MINE. Not even once.
The handlers of John have to understand this must be true because they keep such a short leash on their precious JJF asset
that the ONLY way JJF is ever accessed
is if JJF invites it.
The truth is, I already had a friendship with this surfer
and didn’t need JJF in my life.
If JJF is in my life, it is only because JJF wills it so
because trust me
I have my options with whom to spend my life...
Not only that,
I have only ever met JJF in person if JJF gifts me heavily, each and every occasion, which is pre-discussed at length and agreed upon before we meet up - if I even choose to. Not everything to which John John has invited me do I show up.
So any jealous “haters” out there, don’t blame me - it’s JJF who “bribes” me to meet up whenever it isn’t in the ocean, each and every time.
In the ocean...that just happens. No discussion or gift “bribes.”⚓
And not anymore. Not with the radiation...
PS note to handlers:
with the gifts John offers me, I will continue to meet up.
And you’ll never stop us because
spoiler alert
now that I’m transgender
I show up as a boy.
Duh!!!
Right beneath your noses, honeys
John and I are geniuses. What can we say !?!
I’ll tell you what we can say. Any given day I can describe exactly what you handlers all are wearing. Because I could be right there. In person. Like I have been...as some nobody boy not even worth noticing. It’s called acting
But don’t be concerned - now that I am aware that most likely John is A.I.
I no longer fantasize about John John running away with me.
From what I understand
gang rape traffic slave
celebrities are all clones who have “kill chips” installed in their hardware that can be activated remotely
and so I would rather leave JJF alive than have John take a chance
run away with me
and have you remote detonate the kill chip inside
a la Kurt Cobain.
*
You can imagine what kind of gifts John Florence has to offer an honorable girl like me to get me to be a part of John’s life.
When #JustinBieber tried to keep me in Justin’s life, Justin cancelled all the meet and greets from the #PurposeTour to let me understand that JB wasn’t interested in meeting anyone after we met.
These are the sort of gifts about which I speak.
You understand that it’s not possible to get that shot, unless John arranges that.
There’s a huge bodyguard standing right next to me making sure no one (not even me!) gets back there unless John says so.
Same with The Biebs.
Not only did JB cancel the meet and greets of the #PurposeTour to signify to me that Justin didn’t wish to meet anyone else, Justin started a clothing line with my initial “V”
and channeled all the energy that would have gone into meet and greets into the “V Files” in my honor.
I freaked out when JB cancelled all the meet and greets of the Purpose Tour after we met. I felt that was too much pressure on me to say YES to a proposal when we had just met.
Then JB released this Queen of Surfing love video too, making fun of my “cold surfer feet.”
That official video is nearly identical to the #Company video because JB was like, “SAY YES ALREADY GEEZ.”
OMG.
Justin wasn’t being a dick proposing to me because after John and I released that ad in
FreeSurf magazine, too many people weren’t happy for us so John and I had to pretend we broke up.
To survive the anti King and Queen of Surfing backlash / jealousy, I secretly live at Koa Rothman’s place acting like I have no idea who JJF is. Really.
Because John and I had to really act as if we were over to have any peace,
Justin Bieber freaking proposes to me believing I was really single and I couldn’t say, #Sorry
I’m already living at JJF “adjacent.”
Ah, #MySoCalledLife.
Why did it have to be so complicated
Poor Justin❤ I was already (secretly) taken!!!
Justin was actually aware where I was living and who I was publicly dating (NOT JOHN) and didn’t care. JayB beliebed that JayB is too pretty to pass up.
And Justin was right
I eventually caved in and said YES to the #Purposal only 3 months after JB and I met.
Then Jared Leto stepped in and threatened to seriously destroy Justin Bieber if I stayed with Justin.
Jared freaked the f$ck out if anyone tried to put their hands on me, so no one ever got to after Justin tried.
This is 30 Seconds to Mars respecting Jared’s “no one touch her!!!” rule.
And that’s the end of me and JayB.
For now?
Jared barely let me listen to my and JB’s “fare well:”
.
But Jared has a
with that lyric about “Mr. Kells and the shaka.”
Maybe classy A Listers like the ones mentioned in this post prefer girls who DON’T put out. Definitely not before marriage.
More on that on my final response to any comments..
Sorry I don’t intend to keep posting or responding or reading comments because this thread really was intended to be a soul saving mission and all facts have been shared within the first 6 pages so mission accomplished.
I am concerned if the thread is too many pages, people may be too overwhelmed to even begin reading it and that would be counter-productive so I can’t be part of extending this topic unnecessarily.
Thank you very much everyone❤