I feel like I lost my son today

Duffy LaCoronilla

Duke status
Apr 27, 2016
30,249
17,852
113
Mine is 17 years old. I’m both dreading and looking forward to the day he launches.

I’ve spent the last 17 years trying my best to learn from this kid. See the world through his eyes.

The most important thing I have learned from him is that he is his own person. When he’s gone I’ll miss and I will cry. That is normal. You don’t fix normal.

Parenthood is a thankless pursuit that only ends in sadness. In time you’ll be ok with that I suppose.

The man you raised has chosen a path that most of us would never do.

You did good, dad.
 

RemyXO

Michael Peterson status
Mar 12, 2003
3,456
249
63
San Luis Obispo
My daughter's good friend tried to commit suicide late Sunday night. She's only 12. Twelve. What the fook. I can't even process this. My wife and I broke the news to my daughter last night. We're all devastated. We're good friends with her parents, too, so this all has been heartbreaking to see a family go through. Luckily, she's going to pull through this, as far as we know right now.

Point is, when you're on the other side looking in, be grateful for what you have, and sometimes, even, for what you don't. Some people have it much worse. Show your kids you fucking love them, tell them that you're proud of them, give them guidance when needed, because you never know what life throws at them, or how they will process it.

Sad days when your kids move out and on with their life. Like a limb has been cut off. I'll be there soon, and am dreading it.

Overly-sensitive Dad filled with crazy emotions, OUT!
 

doc_flavonoid

Gerry Lopez status
Dec 27, 2019
1,112
2,185
113
one of my uncles was killed in a motorcycle crash at 19. happened a couple years before i was born. my grandparents wore it the rest of their days.

cousin killed a few years later in a car crash

nothing special. parents have been burying their childern since the beginning.

what are going on about? ur kid leaving home?
 
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npsp

Michael Peterson status
Dec 30, 2003
2,999
1,776
113
down the hill and to the right
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My daughter's good friend tried to commit suicide late Sunday night. She's only 12. Twelve. What the fook. I can't even process this. My wife and I broke the news to my daughter last night. We're all devastated. We're good friends with her parents, too, so this all has been heartbreaking to see a family go through. Luckily, she's going to pull through this, as far as we know right now.

Point is, when you're on the other side looking in, be grateful for what you have, and sometimes, even, for what you don't. Some people have it much worse. Show your kids you fucking love them, tell them that you're proud of them, give them guidance when needed, because you never know what life throws at them, or how they will process it.

Sad days when your kids move out and on with their life. Like a limb has been cut off. I'll be there soon, and am dreading it.

Overly-sensitive Dad filled with crazy emotions, OUT!
Oof!
That is a tough one. Your friends daughter is far from out of the woods. She's gong to need a lot of therapy to unravel what it is that brought her to the breaking point and even then it's a tough journey.

Having your kids go off to college or the military is is not losing your kid, it's them moving on and becoming an adult. Yes it can seem sad but in reality, it is a very happy event and you should be celebrated for a job well done.

Actually losing your child is a whole nuther thing....
 

keenfish

Duke status
May 12, 2002
17,571
3,769
113
Trona
www.pbase.com
Today I said goodbye to my 19 year old best friend as he left for his career as a rescue swimmer in the US Coast Guard. I am supposed to be proud of him, and I am, more than words can describe, but I am a mess and can't even begin to understand how to live without him now as we did together for the last 19 years? We did everything together, we even snaked each other on our last two waves just so we could ride together one last time.

I know there are other dads on here who have said "see you later" to your son's or daughter's. What did you do to get through the initial shock of the loss? I am a guy's guy, never cry, and never asked for help. This one has me pinned to the floor with sadness so if there are any of you out there with any good tips, please share.
Godspeed buddy!
It gets better over time or so they say.
My buddies kid became a Navy Seal about 7 years ago and we've all been on pins and needles ever since.
He's doing well but every deployment is a punch in the gut.
Hang tough. It will get better.
 

Eimeo

OTF status
Oct 18, 2005
216
73
28
Encinitas
Mine are 3.5 and 5 weeks. It's hard to imagine where you are at the moment.

Is your son already stationed or is he heading to training?
Just left for boot camp for 2 months, and then 6 months for his special training as an AST (rescue swimmer). Long hard road ahead, only 20% on average make it through. He is an Encinitas lifeguard already, water polo player, scuba diver, surfer, etc. so hopefully he makes it!
 

Bob Dobbalina

Michael Peterson status
Feb 23, 2016
2,704
2,544
113
Just left for boot camp for 2 months, and then 6 months for his special training as an AST (rescue swimmer). Long hard road ahead, only 20% on average make it through. He is an Encinitas lifeguard already, water polo player, scuba diver, surfer, etc. so hopefully he makes it!
Jersey?
That's where my buddy went for basic training, but it was 15 years ago now.
Depending on where he's stationed, Coast Guard deployment can level out to a very livable career.
 
Jan 31, 2013
9
5
1
Ahh yes, Eimeo, what you're experiencing is commonly known as "Empty Nest Syndrome". It would be safe to say not a loving parent in this world hasn't experienced this level of grief, as their progeny moves on, onto their next phase in life.
Yet, in spite of that nest, or shall we say, “castle” you've so wonderfully built, and also the pride this successful upbringing so provided, you feel empty, alone, depressed.
These are healthy, natural feelings, unmarred by self-pity, medicating your uncontrollable emotions on the sofa with a gallon of ice cream, a bottle of whiskey and a large stuffed crust NYC style bbq chicken pizza, or a fruitless attempt to furnish the key to your pain with such psychiatric exercises as Beck’s Depression Inventory, HDRS, or reciting the likes of Keats’, over and over as you weep for hours:

“I am now so depressed I have not an Idea to put to erBB — the tips of my fingers feel like lead to type — and yet it is an unpleasant numbness it does not take away the pain of existence…”

Eimeo, rather than diagnose and re-diagnose the problem and worsen your situation, you have wisely chosen to deal with the feelings and sought to others for advice with honor and courage. Congratulations! In addition to teaching your bird to fly, you have taught yourself how to help yourself.
Now move on, enjoy that empty nest. Next wave you catch, I want you to imagine your son riding behind you on that same wave, together, sharing the stock.
But remember, while your son flies higher, your wings will weaken as you age, and you will fly lower. But that is another time, another chapter, another post, and we look forward to helping you again kind Sir!

This is Dr Frasier Crane, wishing you all good mental health.

Good Night
 

bluemarlin04

Michael Peterson status
Aug 13, 2015
2,477
2,266
113
Just left for boot camp for 2 months, and then 6 months for his special training as an AST (rescue swimmer). Long hard road ahead, only 20% on average make it through. He is an Encinitas lifeguard already, water polo player, scuba diver, surfer, etc. so hopefully he makes it!
If he’s a water polo player he will make it.
 

ElOgro

Duke status
Dec 3, 2010
26,681
6,885
113
My experience, they come back. With spouses and grandkids. Phase 3 of your life.

Congratulations to you and your wife. And especially your son!
 
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Autoprax

Duke status
Jan 24, 2011
59,199
16,097
113
61
Vagina Point
Ahh yes, Eimeo, what you're experiencing is commonly known as "Empty Nest Syndrome". It would be safe to say not a loving parent in this world hasn't experienced this level of grief, as their progeny moves on, onto their next phase in life.
Yet, in spite of that nest, or shall we say, “castle” you've so wonderfully built, and also the pride this successful upbringing so provided, you feel empty, alone, depressed.
These are healthy, natural feelings, unmarred by self-pity, medicating your uncontrollable emotions on the sofa with a gallon of ice cream, a bottle of whiskey and a large stuffed crust NYC style bbq chicken pizza, or a fruitless attempt to furnish the key to your pain with such psychiatric exercises as Beck’s Depression Inventory, HDRS, or reciting the likes of Keats’, over and over as you weep for hours:

“I am now so depressed I have not an Idea to put to erBB — the tips of my fingers feel like lead to type — and yet it is an unpleasant numbness it does not take away the pain of existence…”

Eimeo, rather than diagnose and re-diagnose the problem and worsen your situation, you have wisely chosen to deal with the feelings and sought to others for advice with honor and courage. Congratulations! In addition to teaching your bird to fly, you have taught yourself how to help yourself.
Now move on, enjoy that empty nest. Next wave you catch, I want you to imagine your son riding behind you on that same wave, together, sharing the stock.
But remember, while your son flies higher, your wings will weaken as you age, and you will fly lower. But that is another time, another chapter, another post, and we look forward to helping you again kind Sir!

This is Dr Frasier Crane, wishing you all good mental health.

Good Night
That is the cool think about not making people EVERYTHING In your life.

You did that job. Now you have time for hobbies.

Some people can't do it.

My younger sister has a really bad case of empty nesters syndrome.

Her kids were her world.

I say to her, "Now you can hang out me and and [my other sister]."

She says, "You guys suck!"
 
Last edited:

Subway

Administrator
Staff member
Dec 31, 2008
11,418
6,653
113
LBNY
Ahh yes, Eimeo, what you're experiencing is commonly known as "Empty Nest Syndrome". It would be safe to say not a loving parent in this world hasn't experienced this level of grief, as their progeny moves on, onto their next phase in life.
Yet, in spite of that nest, or shall we say, “castle” you've so wonderfully built, and also the pride this successful upbringing so provided, you feel empty, alone, depressed.
These are healthy, natural feelings, unmarred by self-pity, medicating your uncontrollable emotions on the sofa with a gallon of ice cream, a bottle of whiskey and a large stuffed crust NYC style bbq chicken pizza, or a fruitless attempt to furnish the key to your pain with such psychiatric exercises as Beck’s Depression Inventory, HDRS, or reciting the likes of Keats’, over and over as you weep for hours:

“I am now so depressed I have not an Idea to put to erBB — the tips of my fingers feel like lead to type — and yet it is an unpleasant numbness it does not take away the pain of existence…”

Eimeo, rather than diagnose and re-diagnose the problem and worsen your situation, you have wisely chosen to deal with the feelings and sought to others for advice with honor and courage. Congratulations! In addition to teaching your bird to fly, you have taught yourself how to help yourself.
Now move on, enjoy that empty nest. Next wave you catch, I want you to imagine your son riding behind you on that same wave, together, sharing the stock.
But remember, while your son flies higher, your wings will weaken as you age, and you will fly lower. But that is another time, another chapter, another post, and we look forward to helping you again kind Sir!

This is Dr Frasier Crane, wishing you all good mental health.

Good Night
Extra funny because my wife and I are re watching all of Frasier. 5/7 troll, would follow
 
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SrPato

Miki Dora status
Jul 12, 2005
4,672
512
113
San Buena Ventura
Our son is going off to college this summer as well. He's finishing up his two years at Ventura College and then moving way up north to Chico State. He's lived with us his entire life and has only spent at most, two weeks away from us. My wife can't wait for him to leave and I dread the day he does but at nearly 21 years old, it's time for him to live his life. And return some peace to the household. We've tried to teach him basic life skills like cooking, cleaning respecting other's space however, as an only child, he has a different view on life and pretty much does his own thing. Yes he can cook, but he leaves a mess. Yes he can clean, but he leaves a mess. I think he's heard enough from us and now it's going to be up to his roommates to train him. :monkey:

I'm going to miss him terribly and doubt the worry for his safety will ever go away. As parents I just hope we taught enough about life so that he can manage on his own. :unsure:
 

rowjimmytour

Tom Curren status
Feb 7, 2009
10,779
5,070
113
52
Rbeach
Our son is going off to college this summer as well. He's finishing up his two years at Ventura College and then moving way up north to Chico State. He's lived with us his entire life and has only spent at most, two weeks away from us. My wife can't wait for him to leave and I dread the day he does but at nearly 21 years old, it's time for him to live his life. And return some peace to the household. We've tried to teach him basic life skills like cooking, cleaning respecting other's space however, as an only child, he has a different view on life and pretty much does his own thing. Yes he can cook, but he leaves a mess. Yes he can clean, but he leaves a mess. I think he's heard enough from us and now it's going to be up to his roommates to train him. :monkey:

I'm going to miss him terribly and doubt the worry for his safety will ever go away. As parents I just hope we taught enough about life so that he can manage on his own. :unsure:
Our son is only child and mom is latina helicopter mom but he learned fast and he is a hell of good chef even did is own Thanksgiving with all the trimmings :cheers:
 
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