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I feel like I lost my son today

E

Eimeo

OTF status
Oct 18, 2005
233
93
28
Encinitas
Today I said goodbye to my 19 year old best friend as he left for his career as a rescue swimmer in the US Coast Guard. I am supposed to be proud of him, and I am, more than words can describe, but I am a mess and can't even begin to understand how to live without him now as we did together for the last 19 years? We did everything together, we even snaked each other on our last two waves just so we could ride together one last time.

I know there are other dads on here who have said "see you later" to your son's or daughter's. What did you do to get through the initial shock of the loss? I am a guy's guy, never cry, and never asked for help. This one has me pinned to the floor with sadness so if there are any of you out there with any good tips, please share.
 
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Will there be snacks

Will there be snacks

Miki Dora status
Mar 18, 2011
4,447
2,659
113
Hotel Coral Essex
Eimeo said:
we even snaked each other on our last two waves just so we could ride together one last time.
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Not a dad, but maybe just remembering that wasn't the last wave together. Just the last one for awhile. There will be much to share in the future. And there will be many more things to come that will make you proud.
 
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SurfFuerteventura

SurfFuerteventura

Rabbitt Bartholomew status
Sep 20, 2014
8,447
4,634
113
Ribbit
I have no kind words for you. But hopefully these words help you to process what you are feeling and dealing with emotionally.

'Your' son is NOT 'YOURS'.

Try to think of yourself as the door that he came through to enter this reality.

It's not an easy task, but if achieved will greatly help you with your pain

I hope he has a long and uneventful career.

I also take this opportunity to thank you for raising a contributing member to society, not one of these entitled leaches that are coming up as of late.

Be proud, Dad. That's what your son would want, surely.

:bowdown::waving::shaka:
 
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E

elcalvo

Michael Peterson status
Mar 16, 2004
3,321
442
83
NE
Just ask yourself, would you be happy if he never got a life, had a depressing dead-end job but continued to live at home for the rest of his life? Seeing our kids grow into happy functioning adults is a far better alternative.
 
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emmohl80

Nep status
Oct 17, 2010
688
512
93
Rescue Swimmer school is pretty tough but those guys always seemed super amped on their job. He’ll be home on leave before you know it to share stories with ya. My girls are still little but I dread the day they grow up and leave home. Don’t really think there’s any easy way to deal with it. Be happy he’s making smart choices in life.
 
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Autoprax

Autoprax

Duke status
Jan 24, 2011
68,675
23,334
113
62
Vagina Point
I went to the Coast Guard recruiter and he sized me up and said, "You ain't going to rescue swimmer school.":drowning:

Transitions are hard.
 
B

Black

OTF status
Jan 1, 2015
265
416
63
UK
Think yourself lucky... I can't get rid of mine at 26. The other day I overheard him talking to his mum, "Why should I move out? Who wants to live on their own? I'd rather live with you two drunkards!"
Thanks son I'll take that as a compliment :)
 
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Mr Doof

Mr Doof

Duke status
Jan 23, 2002
24,932
7,853
113
San Francisco, CA
"Whenever I start to get sad thinking of you leaving, I just remember all the money I spent raising you."

- Probably more than a few anonymous parents in moment of weakness and honesty

In all seriousness though, I've heard your story from various parents, and the only thing I that I've seen help them is the usual tired, sad, lame platitudes about time curing all wounds.

Maybe chat with the better half on a longish walk and ask how they're dealing with it and mention that you're not have a good go dealing with it. Sometimes talking it out helps.
 
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W

waxhead

Legend (inyourownmind)
Mar 31, 2009
444
339
63
When my youngest daughter went away to college, my wife and I cried all day. It's truly the end of what was likely the most significant period of life. How did we deal? We smoked weed and watched Spartacus re -runs for a year. Seems to have worked for the most part.
 
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Bob Dobbalina

Miki Dora status
Feb 23, 2016
4,348
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Mine are 3.5 and 5 weeks. It's hard to imagine where you are at the moment.

Is your son already stationed or is he heading to training?
 
M

mundus

Duke status
Feb 26, 2018
37,311
16,360
113
Eimeo said:
Today I said goodbye to my 19 year old best friend as he left for his career as a rescue swimmer in the US Coast Guard. I am supposed to be proud of him, and I am, more than words can describe, but I am a mess and can't even begin to understand how to live without him now as we did together for the last 19 years? We did everything together, we even snaked each other on our last two waves just so we could ride together one last time.

I know there are other dads on here who have said "see you later" to your son's or daughter's. What did you do to get through the initial shock of the loss? I am a guy's guy, never cry, and never asked for help. This one has me pinned to the floor with sadness so if there are any of you out there with any good tips, please share.
Click to expand...
Be very proud of his accomplishments, being a rescue swimmer is not easy and show his character and determination. You raised him well!
 
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youcantbeserious

youcantbeserious

Billy Hamilton status
Oct 29, 2020
1,530
4,645
113
Location location
You clearly raised him to pursue his goals, even when they are filled with obstacles and hardships. That means he is not afraid to take on life's challenges. What character trait could better set one up for success? He will grow immensely through this experience and make memories that will last a lifetime. Be stoked for him. And be very very proud. You did a great job. Now it's time to let him live. It sounds like you have a great relationship. He cherishes that, for sure.
 
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