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Don't end up in a nursing home.
- Thread starter GromsDad
- Start date
I'm classier than people who wish death on old people.
You, ifailalot, PRCD..... simply don't have a concept of suffering, unless it happens to you or somebody you know.
THEN, you start thinking about it.
It's a known libertarian trait.
What's also interesting is that deaths in the 45-54yo range are slightly more than those in 55-64
The number of deaths in those two groups combined are equal to the number of 84+yo deaths.
The number of deaths in those two groups combined are equal to the number of 84+yo deaths.
In Pennsylvania now 70% of the state's 2,000 deaths from the virus are Nursing Home patients. Its a pretty safe bet that a majority of the remaining 30% were also elderly.
Please explain to me why we are all on lockdown? Aren't nursing home patients on lockdown and sheltering in place? How did that work out? The most locked down and the most sheltered in place are the ones who are by far dying the most.
How'd this policy work out in PA, NY and NJ?
Please explain to me why we are all on lockdown? Aren't nursing home patients on lockdown and sheltering in place? How did that work out? The most locked down and the most sheltered in place are the ones who are by far dying the most.
How'd this policy work out in PA, NY and NJ?
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Nursing homes are where the elderly go to “age out” under the care of nurses, a nurse assistant, and occasional visits by the nursing home doctor(s). My mother-in-law was in a home near us, my wife visited her every day, made ‘friends’ with her nurses most of who were from the Philippines. The in-law had no assets and lived off her monthly social security check. Once the doctors sent her to the nursing home, we had a third party specialist represent her and have her committed. The nursing home (by law) got her monthly social security check less $15 that she got to keep for incidentals. 24/7 managed care In ½ a room. Enter her 2d or 3D roommate, a popular recording artist from the 1950s and early 1960s. The roomy had an insurance policy for managed care that paid $4,000 a month for her managed care. BUT the fee for the managed care for someone with assets was $8,000/month, for ½ a room. Both ladies aged out in the facility, I provide this antidote for information only. I tried to get my managed care insurance policies for my wife and me raised from $4,000/month because of the extraordinary expense to those of us who may own our own home or have some assets we’d like to leave our kids but I was turned down because of surgery that removed my cancerous prostate and I fell into some kind of risk category. So, no managed care facility for me, the $4K can be used for a home care nurse. Something for you youngsters to think about maybe (I know too well insurance is pretty much the last thing anyone under 50 wants to think about) but your day will come.
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This is spot on. When my Dad was having issues and we looked at home care and what living facilities cost, it was pretty obvious to us he'd get thrown out of any live-in place in a day or two, it'd bankrupt him in 2 years and me in 2-3, and basically the affordable options are we hire someone to check on him where lives and is comfortable, or he has to leave his home and friends, move to Jax Beach, and I rent a house with a detached garage/shed so I can have a room that doesn't reek to high hell of cigarettes and he is close enough to keep an eye on.
That's terrible.
How that doesn't make everyone furious, I don't understand.
The way the elderly are treated in the US is disgraceful.
Everything is an opportunity to make a buck, even death and suffering.
My job used to take me to a nursing home in one of the dumpier burbs of NJ owned by a couple of Lakewood, NJ's finest. When you're doing IT work it is not uncommon for you to become a total fly on the wall. Employees speak openly with each other as if you're not in the room. The employees at this place didn't give a rat's ass about the people they are there to care for. They would talk about these people probably worse than the employees of your local kill/animal shelter. Such a disgusting and depressing place. I always dreaded going there as it would leave me depressed for the rest of the day. You don't want yourself or your loved ones to ever end up in one of these places.
Some parents did not participate so much so when it comes time to return the favour it's just too bad for them.
Well, that says a lot about you.
I don't think it's time for revenge when your parents are suffering.
I don’t want anyone or anyone’s loved ones to end up in a place like that. I want there to be federal legislation and oversight to make sure that places like that don’t exist. However, you profited off those people’s suffering, so that’s on you.
My father is in his 90's. He survived a stroke that left him compromised mentally. He can barely walk. He's full of cancer. He just keeps on going. I'm very fortunate in that there is money. So I am paying a small fortune in home care for him. So I am not a day-to-day caregiver. But my phone rings constantly. There are frequently days when he is all I do and I'm not even there hands-on. It's stressful. Watching this happen has been difficult. The man he was would have been horrified by where he is. Every now and then and he will break down and cry re everything he has lost and how his life has been diminished. I lie to him and tell him it will be OK.
At this point I haven't seen him in almost two months because I have been constantly sick. (I seem to be OK now) But still, the phone is always ringing, I am constantly on call. Falls, medical decisions, pay everybody, move money, liquidate assets, maintain assets, it just goes on and on. It's aged me. Somehow I never saw this coming. A few nights ago during an ongoing bout of insomnia I took a sleeping pill. I had some very vivid dreams. At one point I dreamed my father had died. I came awake and in my drugged state apparently was having problems separating dream from reality. I cried because my father had died. Then a wave of relief rushed over me. The weight of the world fell off my shoulders. Then I felt horrible guilt for the sense of relief I had felt. Then I woke up enough to discern that it had all been a dream. And felt more guilty.
You raise your kids, get them through college and then your parents become your children. By the time you have buried your last parent, it's probably time to think about your own death. Party on.
At this point I haven't seen him in almost two months because I have been constantly sick. (I seem to be OK now) But still, the phone is always ringing, I am constantly on call. Falls, medical decisions, pay everybody, move money, liquidate assets, maintain assets, it just goes on and on. It's aged me. Somehow I never saw this coming. A few nights ago during an ongoing bout of insomnia I took a sleeping pill. I had some very vivid dreams. At one point I dreamed my father had died. I came awake and in my drugged state apparently was having problems separating dream from reality. I cried because my father had died. Then a wave of relief rushed over me. The weight of the world fell off my shoulders. Then I felt horrible guilt for the sense of relief I had felt. Then I woke up enough to discern that it had all been a dream. And felt more guilty.
You raise your kids, get them through college and then your parents become your children. By the time you have buried your last parent, it's probably time to think about your own death. Party on.
I thought about my dad when I woke up this morning. I hoped that I had told him enough how grateful I was for all he had done for me. He died peacefully in his own bed, a year ago, after a few years of physical debility. It’s close to impossible to die gracefully. But, he came pretty close to doing it.
That's truly a blessing. Every now and then you read about someone who lived to ripe old age, never had any pain issues of significance, was sharp as a tack and then just went to sleep one night. In this world, THAT is hitting the lottery.
I promised my father when he was lucid that I wouldn't put him in a nursing home. So far I have been able to keep the promise. At some point, he can degrade to a level where home care is going to be difficult to maintain. I pray he goes in his sleep before that. The pain from his cancer has started ratcheting up. The opiates help with the pain but then he just sleeps and his balance is worse so then the danger of falling comes in. He sleeps and watches TV. Sits in the sun when the weather is good.
Now on top of all that, COVID19. I haven't seen him. I have caregivers wearing masks in the house 24/7. I drop of groceries in the attached garage. Pick up the bills in the same spot. Order more diapers, order more masks, order more everything. On it goes. Year after year.
And make no mistake, I have it easy compared to a LOT of other people. I have a friend I work out with that was going through the same with his father. He quit his job, sold his house and went on government assistance to take his father through the end of his life. It fvcking ruined him. I watched my mother get torn apart taking her mother to the end. I watched my mother in law do the same. It's the bullet to the head that sends you on your way to the same fate.
You're a good man Sharky, even though you've been in jail and all.
I've been through a similar experience. It's hard because you know that death would be a relief for him but at the same time you don't want him gone.
And no matter how much you think you're ready to lose someone like that and how much you can see it coming, you're never ready when the end comes.
Important thing is not to forget to take care of yourself while you are taking care of him.
Keep your chin up.
