Crude Humor (NSR)

john4surf

Rabbitt Bartholomew status
May 28, 2005
8,306
2,105
113
CBS, CA
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window. The young man lowers his window . “Uh, yes, officer?"
The cop says: "What are you doing?"
The young man says: “Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater.

“Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane.... and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says, "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks, "And her … what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
 
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john4surf

Rabbitt Bartholomew status
May 28, 2005
8,306
2,105
113
CBS, CA
The difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers


There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning, he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy -- just him and his granddaughter.

One Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be extremely disappointed.
Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked.
"Not really, Pa Pa, it was boring. We didn't see a single a**hole, queer, piece of sh!t, horse's a**, socialist left wing Biden lover, blind ba$tard, dip $hit, Muslim camel humper, pecker head or son of a b!tch anywhere we went. We just drove around, and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."
 

Icu812

Legend (inyourownmind)
Jun 23, 2013
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Not 'crude' but funny...
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local bar.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while, the lights would go out. Each time this happened, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”
The bartender replied, “Okay, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”
“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the bar.
After a few minutes, as the lights went out again and the nun came back out, the whole place stopped to give the nun a loud, enthusiastic round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?”
“No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”
 

Icu812

Legend (inyourownmind)
Jun 23, 2013
447
742
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Husband tells his wife he is going golfing.
Wife: I thought you were going to weed the garden.
Husband: Do I look like a gardener?!
Wife: Well what about fixing the front steps.
Husband: Do I look like a carpenter?!
Husband plays 18 and when he comes home he sees that the garden has been weeded and the steps are fixed.
Husband asks his wife who did the work.
Wife: Tony from next door came over and did it.
Husband: Well how much did it cost?
Wife: I offered him some money but he said you can either bake me some cookies or we can go in the bedroom and make love.
Husband: Well I hope you made him the cookies!!!
Wife: Do I look like a baker?!