Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure.
She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns .......
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"
Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night ... tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?”
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
I bought a new Tesla!! It runs on an electrical charge.
Had to go back to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated.
"Nelson," the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie" he continued and "On The Road Again" flowed from the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away so happy and for the next few days every time I'd say, "Beethoven" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles" I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Well, yesterday, this woman ran a red light and nearly smashed into my new Tesla, but luckily I swerved in time to avoid her. I yelled at her, "Crazy Bitch!:. The radio replied, "Hillary, Maxine, Kamala, Warren, Ocasio, or Pelosi?"
So I've suspected my gf is cheating on
me. The usual "red flags", she turns her
phone screen away when texting, always
going out with the girl friends, new
underwear all the time. I try to stay awake
for when she gets home, but I always end
up falling asleep. Anyway, last night I
decided I was going to hide under my car
and wait for her to come home. Shortly
after, a car pulled in and she got out while
buttoning up her shirt. She then took out
her panties and slipped them on under
her skirt. It was then, at that very
moment, that I noticed a hairline fracture
on my exhaust pipe. Is this something I
can weld? Or should I just get a whole
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