best put down/comebacks...

Random Guy

Duke status
Jan 16, 2002
28,898
2,607
113
My ex just went into 30day no contact rehab center and the ex in laws are raging at me because I’m now full custody of my children and they think I’m ripping the kids away from them. Very bitter and nasty people.

her: I’m glad your hurting from your mom passing away years ago and now your dad has failing health

me: your first miscarriage self aborted itself because it knew it had to grow up with you

deafening silence

iam going to hell
Way more amusing, if it were fiction
 

theramrod

OTF status
Nov 14, 2014
343
285
63
N Cackalaki
Early 90's Christian Fletcher and crew came through our small NC beach town on the 'Bloodshot' tour. My little brother (around 12 or 13 at the time) went to the surf shop where they were having an autograph session. As Christain was starting to sign a poster for my brother my brother asked him why he cut his hair off and Christain replied "none of your damn business". My little brother snatched the poster out of Christians hands and said "F*ck you, you ain't no Tom Curren".
 

_____

Phil Edwards status
Sep 17, 2012
6,291
2,198
113
6th grade class while talking with my desk neighbor:
teacher: _____, I don't want to hear your voice.
Me: Then plug your ears
I thought it was clever but I was sent to the principal's office.
 
  • Haha
Reactions: PPK96754

Redeyes

OTF status
Jan 16, 2015
180
53
28
Jacksonville, FL
Someone says they don’t like the shorts, hat, sunglasses, flip flops etcetera that your wearing. My reply is I can always change the article of clothing but you’re stuck with that damn ugly face the rest of your life.
 

Hump

Miki Dora status
Jan 10, 2002
5,499
706
113
Vancouver Island
When I was in Grade 8 in Junior High our teacher made everyone stand up after raising their hand to ask for whatever, mostly permission to go to the bathroom.

I asked permission to go one day near the end of the period.

Mr. McAdam asked: "Is it a matter of life and death?"

I blurted out: "Not if everyone can swim."

Got a good laugh for a couple of seconds before the look on his face abruptly silenced it.

I still laugh about that now and then.




Take care.
 

Autoprax

Duke status
Jan 24, 2011
52,942
11,765
113
60
Vagina Point
Sometimes male students would collect money for their fraternity.

Me, being a dick, would say. "Oh, your in a sorority! Cool!"
 

tedshred

Nep status
Apr 15, 2008
799
162
43
One day a coworker who I consistently talk sh!t with asked. “ You have to sleep with gross lady a or b which are you picking?” I agreed to answer on the terms I got to ask him a similar question after. He agreed so I answered with the slightly less nauseating choice. I followed up with the question “Would you rather eat your mom out or suck your dads dick?”
 

Joshua2415

Tom Curren status
Jul 18, 2005
10,025
4,605
113
San Clemente
I had a coworker who used to complain about everything and she would always say "the squeaky wheel gets the grease..." One day she said that and I replied, "Yes, but if the wheel squeaks too much, you replace it."
 

teeroi

Miki Dora status
Oct 21, 2007
4,081
4,859
113
eastside oahu
Was on a trip to Tavarua in 1988 with Local Motion. Jon Dam was one of the pros. He was a flight attendant and knew how to travel. Shaved, perfect hair, clothes pressed. While the rest of the crew were semi-feral. Jon played a practical trick on a young Shawn Sutton and it pissed Jeannie Chesser off. In the middle of dinner in front of the whole LoMo crew, Rob the owner at the time, national sales reps, pros, retail management and employees Jeannie tells Jon “How do you get your big head in those little barrels.”

I asked her where she came up with that burn and she told me it was a serious question from Todd. She had a radio show way back in the day. She interviewed surfers and her guest was Larry Bertelman. LB had a huge fro which made his head look massive. She asked Todd what should she ask Larry during her show and he came up with that. Jeannie said Larry just laughed. Jon on the other hand looked like he shrunk to two inches tall. Haha.
 

donuts

Tom Curren status
Jan 23, 2005
10,907
1,001
113
@ the fun house
some years ago on the bb, one of the trolls, or a fvckwit regular, ( i can’t remember which...), had a thread that was titled “it’s my birthday - guess what i’m getting tonight?”*

o.t. replied, “i hope you get a dwi...” :beer::roflmao:




*something close to that anyway....
 

john4surf

Rabbitt Bartholomew status
May 28, 2005
8,039
1,646
113
CBS, CA
Man in a Florida supermarket tried to buy half a head of lettuce.
The very young produce assistant told him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.
The man persisted and asked to see the manager.
The boy said he'd ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here.
Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
“Really?", said the manager. "My wife is from Canada.”
“No sh!t?", replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?”