2020 can fck off!

[racer1]

After numerous 3am head butts, I've realized he's more durable than I thought. No need to baby him so much.

Also you guys didn't warn me about my wife. She's either crying or horny or both. Feels like a trap.

 

[silentbutdeadly]

I was trying to keep it on the down low about when your wife gets horny

 

[Mr Doof]

1 What do you want, a warning about everything that might happen? Why do you hate the thrill of the unexpected so much?
2 Wait, are you bragging about a horney wife? You bastard!
3 Give it time, it will pass. The horney part I mean.
4 ...and this is out of the blue, you didn't do any housework or nothing? You bastard!
5 Trap shmap, carry out the husbandly duties per the signed accords. You don't want an Alienation of Affection charge added to the list....that will haunt you for years to come, and isn't the list long enough already?
6 What could go wrong? Its not like she can get pregnant again so quick. Wait a second, my brother has two kids 10 months apart, so yeah, its a trap. Or she's been drinking without you.
7 The nipple scabs have all healed up? Well, I don't know what your problem is. I mean, you had a vasectomy the day after she told you she was pregnant, right?

 

[rowjimmytour]

After numerous 3am head butts, I've realized he's more durable than I thought. No need to baby him so much.

Also you guys didn't warn me about my wife. She's either crying or horny or both. Feels like a trap.

Ball of joy also brings a bigger ball of emotions

 

[youcantbeserious]

Also you guys didn't warn me about my wife. She's either crying or horny or both. Feels like a trap.

Oh it's a trap. Look at all those siblings exactly one year apart.

 

[bluemarlin04]

Now that my kid is older I can barely remember what it was like with a newborn.

Now I know why people have kids so close together. Just get it done with.

 

[Ranga]

It's when they discover the word "No" that it all goes to sh!t.

They're assholes between 2 and 4 years old. Just little asshole shitphuckers.

 

[afoaf]

I'm probably jinxing it by posting this but he's been pretty chill. He sleeps for 2-4 hour blocks, wakes up and is fun and cuddly for 15 minutes, then wants to eat for 15 minutes, then change his diaper and back to sleep for 2-4 hours. A little crying and screaming here and there, but doesn't fight sleep. Eating a lot. Think I can actually see him growing. Wife sleeps full 8-9 hours every night and I get 6-7 hours combined. I really hope this doesn't change, I could do this indefinitely.

get the sleep training book

we did it on all three boys, sleeping through the night between 2 and 4 months...the third was a cakewalk

it gives you normalcy in schedule, mom/dad time, and the baby will be rested and even keeled

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

One of the country's leading researchers updates his re…

www.goodreads.com

it's easier to ween because the kid won't be dependent on a single parent for sleep routine

I cannot stress enough how fkn bitcoin 2010 this advice is...

 

[Random Guy]

...

Sometimes I side to hear people say they weren’t so into the dad thing until the kids got
older, and I think, damn, such a shame to miss that
But maybe some people aren’t exactly like me

glad you’re loving it racer!
cowabunga
rg

I was listening to the podcast smartless, and Jason Bateman said that, and I was like, oh, that sucks,man,
you missed out

And yeah, you’re right , they're nowhere near as fragile as some people think,
and, I mean, unless you’re that much of a uncoordinated dope that you drop sh*t all the time, then you’re probably just naturally not gonna drop your own infant
People need to relax and enjoy

Glad you’re still loving it, racer
Edit :r32 is quoting your own post one of your rules in your sticky posts? They’ve been there so long, they’ve become 100% invisible

 

[rts265]

They’re awesome until about 5. Then they start getting a bit annoying.

 

[Sharkbiscuit]

Edit :r32 is quoting your own post one of your rules in your sticky posts? They’ve been there so long, they’ve become 100% invisible

Bandom guy wants r32 problems!

 

[racer1]

Live update



#bigballofbrown

 

[rowjimmytour]

Live update

View attachment 109906

#bigballofbrown

Time to start going yolo on diapers

 

[racer1]

If b-hole is facing down, How does the chit go vertical tho?? not down or side ways. defying the laws of gravity.

 

[rowjimmytour]

If b-hole is facing down, How does the chit go vertical tho?? not down or side ways. defying the laws of gravity.

I once worked at a retirement home and was this lady we called spit fire after making many messes after lunch on elevator, walls, etc. Defined gravity

 

[b.r.]

We learned the hard way that my daughters diapers were too small. One time She had sh!t coming out the neck of her onesie. I yelled to my wife grab the jaws of life(scissors) I am gonna have to cut her out. Now aged 18 she doesn’t like when we retell that moment.

 

[Mr Doof]

Oh it's a trap. Look at all those siblings exactly one year apart.

Irish twins!

They’re awesome until about 5. Then they start getting a bit annoying.

As one of my sisters kept trying to force their babies into my arms I jokingly told her that she can send the kids to me when they hit their teens, saying things like:

* - they get more interesting when their older
* - less prone to freeze to death or break my glassware
* - start to have their own thoughts and don't just parrot their parents
* - have already suffered their first disillusionment about adults and I don't want to be their first disillusionment
* - can voice coherent thought based in reality...if I have to hear more tales about Captain Howdy, I'll strangle them myself
* - more willing to experiment with new cuisines, we don't serve Chef Boyardee
* - more physical stamina, they need to be able to carry their own food and water

Somehow this was heard by my eldest sister as me hating her children and her telling them I didn't want them around.

Sigh, that took some time to undo.

Humor and new moms......

If b-hole is facing down, How does the chit go vertical tho?? not down or side ways. defying the laws of gravity.

'Gravity Defying Poop' is the title of my 5th chapter of my childrearing book, "The Glory of Being Childless".

I have carefully perforated the textured and absorbent pages of that chapter to aid in emergencies when there might not be enough Brawny paper towels or cleaning towels handy. Plus, you can always use it to wipe away the tears of urine that may also be present.

Seriously though, you two are are being greatly served by keeping your sense of humor in these moments. Keep on keeping on, Racer1 and Delightful Spouse.

 

[Kento]

Irish twins!

When I first heard that term, I thought it meant twins were sharing a bottle in utero. So disappointing.

Anyways, racer, those craps will defy physics. Einstein tried and decided relativity would be easier to comprehend. Wherever you go, always bring an extra set of clothes and lots of wipes. And that's just for you.

 

[ghostshaper]

sufficient force will overcome gravity! butt in the end, gravity always wins.

 

[ghostshaper]

Live update

View attachment 109906

#bigballofbrown

is that what the kids call foam stain?