Everyone has a price. There is a reason so many lottery winners take the lump sum as opposed to lifetime annuity.
if you can scratch together the assets I’ve been told its a few years of real financial pain but worth it in the long term stress.
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Divorce Thread better than book thread
- Thread starter Truth
- Start date
if you can scratch together the assets I’ve been told its a few years of real financial pain but worth it in the long term stress.
Makes sense. Alimony makes sense to me in some respects. Particularly with kids involved. Most parenting dynamics are asymmetrical (no Album), so it makes sense that one party should be compensated fin some way, for an amount of time, to balance out the sacrifices made for the "good of the household". I also understand the benefit of "unpaid labor" that can come from one partner not working full time and all that. I'm not sure it should be organized the way it is, and it seems that there is so much room for nuance that it seems impossible to untangle, but I can understand the concept. But yeah, it's kinda fucked.
Child support is fucked too.
IMO, child support needs to be factored into taxes, or the child credit needs to be shared according to the support/visitation agreement.
As it stands in CA, it is my understanding that if you rely on the state to calculate support it goes like this...
-The non custodial parent (in most cases the father) is compelled to pay child support calculated by the difference in income between both parents and the time spent in both households in an effort to reach a level of equity.
In other words, if you make more money than the custodial parent, you pay.
-Then the amount is factored against how much time is spent with the kids. 50/50 gets it closest to zero, less visitation means more compensation.
-On top of that, all expenses beyond that are expected to be shared 50/50 (child care, private school, activities, etc.) None of this is tax deductable and the income diverted to Child Support is still part of your taxable income. Actually, I think there are ways to lower your taxable (up to a limit) for private school and daycare. I gotta figure that out.
I also realize it may be time to hire an accountant.
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1) My folks got divorced after 33 years of being hitched.
Once my younger brother got hitched, dear old mom said, "I'm out of here."
2) Friend #1 had a great time travelling through Indonesia with his wife, a bicycle tour.
Upon coming home, couldn't fit back into the metaphorical white collared shirt.
Went solo biking through Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam for 6 months to 'clear his head'.
Rang me up and asked me to file for divorce for him.
Told him no, he should have the balls to do that himself
Came home, did just that, flew back to Luang Prabrang, married Noa Le Cao, then 2 yrs later ran away from her, hooked up with an ex-professional girlfriend in Bangkok, then two later died of unknown causes in Laos, and 6 months later, I scatted his ashes in the surf.
3) Been married for 20+ yrs, am optimistic it will go the distance.
Once my younger brother got hitched, dear old mom said, "I'm out of here."
2) Friend #1 had a great time travelling through Indonesia with his wife, a bicycle tour.
Upon coming home, couldn't fit back into the metaphorical white collared shirt.
Went solo biking through Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam for 6 months to 'clear his head'.
Rang me up and asked me to file for divorce for him.
Told him no, he should have the balls to do that himself
Came home, did just that, flew back to Luang Prabrang, married Noa Le Cao, then 2 yrs later ran away from her, hooked up with an ex-professional girlfriend in Bangkok, then two later died of unknown causes in Laos, and 6 months later, I scatted his ashes in the surf.
3) Been married for 20+ yrs, am optimistic it will go the distance.
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Marriage doesn’t make sense to me, as a concept (anymore. long past the world of trade-human-for-land that it was invented in)
it’s like surf contests. surfing? Add judges and points! In a loving relationship? Add government and paperwork!
why not just…not do that?
it’s like surf contests. surfing? Add judges and points! In a loving relationship? Add government and paperwork!
why not just…not do that?
At this point in the world there is no need to make it contractual.
The younger generation of men are not marrying. I thought this was just an artifact of polling but I've talked to a bunch of young men who say, "Hell naw" to marriage.Alimony is fvcking crazy. Especially lifetime alimony.
I wrote a big expose for a newspaper on how women abuse the system.
Names had to be named, of course.
You shoulda seen the emails and heard the voicemails the women left....lol...how they were gonna sue my sorry ass, fuck fuck fuck you, etc.
There's nothing I enjoyed more than exposing how wretched that system is. Fuck those slimy hoes.
I have always thought that the contract, backed up by the govt, was so that the rest us don't have to pay to raise any intended/unintended consequences.
There certain tax maneuvers you can do as a couple that you cannot as a single person.
tricks with IRAs come to mind:
turbotax.intuit.com
Also, with employer healthcare, you have to be married to put them on your plan.
tricks with IRAs come to mind:
7 Tax Advantages of Getting Married
There are many good reasons to get married—true love and compatibility being among the best. Here are 7 tax advantages of getting married and tips for making the extended honeymoon a little sweeter when you prepare your tax return.
turbotax.intuit.com
Also, with employer healthcare, you have to be married to put them on your plan.
In 1888, German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche first stated, “Out of life's school of war—what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.”
One divorce here. Long time ago. I didn’t have to give up anything that couldn’t be replaced within a year.
27th anniversary this week. Hard to believe. Any gift ideas for the wife that has everything? In the past I’ve got her washing machines, lawnmowers and other yard work stuff, power washer… if she wants something she buys it herself.
One divorce here. Long time ago. I didn’t have to give up anything that couldn’t be replaced within a year.
27th anniversary this week. Hard to believe. Any gift ideas for the wife that has everything? In the past I’ve got her washing machines, lawnmowers and other yard work stuff, power washer… if she wants something she buys it herself.
My friend is in a dead marriage to an opiate addict.
I said he should just leave.
He explained the lifetime of alimony and her part ownership in the business.
It was grim.
They just lead separate lives. She stays in her room and takes pills.
Got married a week after getting a 2nd lieutenant commission and two weeks before shipping off to SEA. We didn’t argue our first year of marriage (we weren’t together that first year). I returned and she put my balls in her purse. Been blissful (for her) for some reason these past 56 years… John
there was a time I thought similar of mine.
after we (the kids) moved out and started our own lives but before grandchildren and their declining health. they really didn’t need each other and if anything saw the other as prohibitive to getting their life back.
my father finally felt needed by my mother when she had hip surgery. my mother less annoyed by his antics now seeing utility. they both now admit knowing the other is there for them in their declining state is piece of mind money cannot buy and that brought them closer than ever.
i think they’re due to hit 50yrs in a year or so. they are smitten these days. watching them get to adore their grandchildren together is icing on the cake.
That's all good until she drains the bank accounts.
My uncle had it happen to him. His wife, mom of 3 kids, lived with depression (I don't have all the details) and rapidly started racking up debt and draining accounts. I don't think it was even maliciously to screw him, it was her coping mechanism.
They finally split and he had to take it on the chin for the most part.
Yeah, that is part of the deal.
She could do that but I think she just likes to get high.
I do too.
But not every day.
That sounds horrific. Dude needs to bite the bullet and divorce her even if it hurts. Negotiate a lump sum payout in lieu of alimony and sell / close the business. It's gonna suck but life is too short to waste like that. It might take a few years but wouldn't he rather have the rest of his life to be happy (er)? It sounds like it's going to end eventually anyway, so why not just cut the cord now? As a bonus maybe it'll help her snap out of her coma and the end result will be two lives saved.
Ugh. It sucks watching friends get sucked into a black hole.
Yeah but there are other factors in play too.
And I don't think that ends well.
TBH I think we may be trending toward polygamy in the near future; successful, financially stable men with multiple wives as so many younger men are now considered unmarriable or just not interested.
IMHO if considered acceptable many/most women would far prefer a polygamous marriage to no marriage/no children.
100%. Addicts do as addicts do, and that includes siphoning cash to feed the addiction they’re pretending they have under control.
guy needs to hire a fixer lawyer and figure out her price. There is no way an addict picks the annuity payments if cost of living does not leave enough cash for the drugs.
my sister was dumb enough to marry an addict. he pissed and moaned about the divorce until he saw the check that he happily took. total loser, it was less than you’d have guessed. the fixer was worth the fee in her case.
That's already here - the top 10% of men are getting all the trim but not marrying.