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Tyrone moves to Ohio

Tyrone was having trouble in school.

His teacher was always yelling at him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone. Can't you learn anything????

One day Tyrone's mother came to school to see how he was doing.?? The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant boy in her entire teaching career. Tyrone's mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease .Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.

Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but quickly died.

The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw that Tyrone, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.

If you thought that Tyrone had become a heart-surgeon, there is a good chance you Ride a pop-out.

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!" she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great" he replied, "but I still think my thumb's broken."

One day a priest leaves the church and decides to sit at a nearby pier and watch the fisherman. While sitting, one of the fisherman invites the priest to join him. The priest agrees and they start fishing. After a few minutes the priest pulls up a huge fish. The priest, shocked, yells out, "Woah! Look at that son of a bitch!"

The priest looks at the fisherman and says, "Please mind your language."

The fisherman replies, "Oh... No father, that's the name of a fish. It's a sonofabitch."

The priest heads back to the church. On his way he sees the bishop and addresses him, "Look at the sonofabitch I just caught at the pier!"

The bishop replies, "Father! You are in the house of the lord!"

The priest says, "Oh no! That's the name of the fish, it's a sonofabitch."

The bishop replies, "Oh, if you give me it I can clean it and have Mother Superior cook it for our dinner with the pope."

He cleans the fish and brings it to Mother Superior, "Can you cook this sonofabitch."

She replies, "Why I never! What language for a bishop!"

The bishop tells her, "No, that's the name of the fish. Can you cook it for our dinner with the pope?"

She agrees and makes it up for their dinner with the pope. They sit down with the pope and he takes one bite, "This is wonderful! What is it?"

The priest says, "I caught that sonofabitch."

The bishop says, "I cleaned that sonofabitch."

Mother Superior says, "And I cooks that sonofabitch."

The pope gives them all a blank stare for a moment, takes off his hat, puts it on the table, and says, "You fuckers are alright."

To my friends who
enjoy a glass of wine,
and those who don't ,
and are always
seen with a bottle of water
in their hand,
Ben Franklin said:
"In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria."

In a number of carefully controlled trials ,
scientists have demonstrated that
if we drink 1 litre of water each day,
at the end of the year we would
have absorbed more than 1 kilo
of Escherichia coli,
(E.. Coli) - bacteria
found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming
1 kilo of poop annually.

However,
We do NOT run that risk
when drinking wine and beer
(or rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because alcohol has to go through
a purification process
of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink
wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water
and be full of shit.

VERIFICATION:
BOTH THE HOUSE OF COMMONS AND THE SENATE
DRINK A LOT OF WATER
WHILE IN SESSION.
THIS EXPLAINS THE RESULTS THEREIN . . . .

There is no need to thank me for
this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service