REMINDER: Siteowner has no obligation to monitor the Forums. However, Siteowner reserves the right to review the Materials submitted to or posted on the Forums, and remove, delete, redact or otherwise modify such Materials, in its sole discretion and for any reason whatsoever, at any time and from time to time, without notice or further obligation to you. Siteowner has no obligation to display or post any Materials provided by you. Siteowner reserves the right to disclose, at any time and from time to time, any information or Materials that Siteowner deems necessary or appropriate to satisfy any applicable law, regulation, contract obligation, legal or dispute process or government request. To further read the rules and terms of agreement of this Forum, click here.

Topic Options
Page 36 of 36 < 1 2 ... 34 35 36
Previous Topic
View All Topics Index
Next Topic
#2909207 - 02/05/19 07:11 PM Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf]
Tanner Offline
Phil Edwards status
***

Registered: 07/30/03
Posts: 6986
Loc: Point Loma
Only joke I know.......

A Texas cowboy takes his two sons, 5 and 7 years old, out for lunch.

The waitress comes over to take their order and says to the 5 year old 'Whatcha gonna have, Sugar?'

The 5 year old says in a thick Texas drawl, 'I'm gonna have me a God-damn cheeseburger'.

The cowboy father immediately reaches across the table and violently slaps the kid hard across the face.

The waitress is shocked and quickly tries cover up the situation by asking the 7 year old 'What about you honey - what are you gonna order?'

The 7 year old says 'You bet your sweet ass I ain't gonna order no God-damn cheeseburger!'
_________________________
No Cooks! If you don't live here you don't souffl here! - Festus Porkmeyer

Top
#2909761 - 02/06/19 08:18 PM Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf]
john4surf Offline
Phil Edwards status
***

Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 6674
Loc: CBS, CA
A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins.
Teacher: Who said Four Score and Seven Years Ago?


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, Abraham Lincoln.


Thats right, Susie, you can go home.


Teacher: Who said I Have a Dream?


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, Martin Luther King.


Thats right, Mary, you can go.


Teacher: Who said Ask not, what your country can do for you?


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, John F. Kennedy.


Thats right, Nancy, you may also leave.



The teacher turns her back. Johnny yells in frustration, I wish those dumb bitches would keep their mouths shut!



The teacher turns around and she is livid and yells: WHO SAID THAT?!


Johnny replies: Harvey Weinstein. Ill see you tomorrow?

Top
#2911542 - 02/10/19 02:47 PM Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf]
surf cat Offline
Kelly Slater status
***

Registered: 01/14/02
Posts: 7872
5ive or 6ix decades I heard a joke and turned out to be the first Joke I ever remembered and told again.
Now with the end of thee erBB Im telling it again bending it to say So Long to the friendsI have made here.

It was a very hot day , it was flat, no waves. nothing was going at the offices of SURFER magazine ...It was like a funeral no one spoke the only sound made was a fan.
A short grimmie runs in and asks Do you have a restroom I can use? ~ " up stairs to the right he turns runs up and turns Left and the only thing he sees a hole in the floor....
He walks back down the the Surfer magazine staff are moaning it looks like a bomb went off
What happened?
"Little man all spic n' span, where the Hell where you when the Shit Hit The Fan?

Top
#2912148 - 02/11/19 07:33 PM Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf]
john4surf Offline
Phil Edwards status
***

Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 6674
Loc: CBS, CA
Who in the hell is Steve? Well let me tell ya .... Steve is the
accountant guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife says,
Where the hell have you been?

Steve replies: I was out getting a tattoo!

A tattoo?' she frowned. What kind of tattoo did you get?

I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates, he said proudly.

What the hell were you thinking? She said, shaking her head in disgust. Why
on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his
privates?

Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at
home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.

Steve is in the Hospital, room 233.

Top
#2914625 - Yesterday at 09:10 PM Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf]
john4surf Offline
Phil Edwards status
***

Registered: 05/28/05
Posts: 6674
Loc: CBS, CA
Theory vs. Reality
Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father.

The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys d!ck. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me."

Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him."

"Would you do it for a million dollars?"

She replies, "Hell yes!"

He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions.

Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure."

Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go."

Johnny asks, "What do you mean?"

The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two c0cksuckers."

Top
Page 36 of 36 < 1 2 ... 34 35 36


Moderator:  Groundswell, Nameless60, r32