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Crude Humor (NSR) #2352541
05/14/15 08:17 PM
05/14/15 08:17 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
J
john4surf Offline OP
Phil Edwards status
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
6 sick one's. Go no further if you're easily offended!

1. A woman in labor is screaming profanities at her husband from her
hospital bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in
your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!"


2. I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I
spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent
$2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough! But I
spend 50 bucks on a blow job for myself and she goes censored nuts!!!
Women, I just can't figure them out!


3. A mother-in-law said to her son's wife when their baby was born:
"I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything like my son."
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: "I don't mean to be
rude either, but this is a pussy, not a censored photo-copier."


4. Little kid catches his mom and dad having sex. He says,
"What are you doing?" His father says, "We
are making you a little brother." The boy answers,
"Why don't you do it doggy style, and make me a
puppy!"


5. "I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with
to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired, I'm
washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your
sister-in-law."


6. Dear Dr. Phil: I was watching my next door neighbor's
wife sun bathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was
jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing
there, arms folded, watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352546
05/14/15 08:25 PM
05/14/15 08:25 PM
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 4,238
San Buena Ventura
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SrPato Offline
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Posts: 4,238
San Buena Ventura
Dems sum funny jokes!!!
monkey


Sr Pato

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack
off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."


Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352548
05/14/15 08:29 PM
05/14/15 08:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 9,731
SUP Nation
_
_Pico Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 9,731
SUP Nation
Thanks. I needed that


"Are my guiding principles healthy and robust? On this hangs everything"- Marcus Aurelius
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: SrPato] #2352549
05/14/15 08:29 PM
05/14/15 08:29 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
J
john4surf Offline OP
Phil Edwards status
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
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Originally Posted By: SrPato
Dems sum funny jokes!!!
monkey


sikko cheers

Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352551
05/14/15 08:31 PM
05/14/15 08:31 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 16,573
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ElOgro Offline
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Keep 'em coming. applause2


"That's their respect for me... I got leid," Rabbit Kekai

"That's all it takes--one moment." Sponge
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352560
05/14/15 08:42 PM
05/14/15 08:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,034
Southern California
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scotter Offline
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Posts: 1,034
Southern California
Comedy gold. All of them.!!!


"You don't surf period. Goodbye, keep your feet up Hole."
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352611
05/14/15 10:16 PM
05/14/15 10:16 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 16,573
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ElOgro Offline
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Joined: Dec 2010
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Autoprax's Dad: Son, if you keep jacking off you're gonna go blind.

Autoprax: Dad, I'm over here.


"That's their respect for me... I got leid," Rabbit Kekai

"That's all it takes--one moment." Sponge
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352642
05/14/15 11:28 PM
05/14/15 11:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 28,589
Vagina Point
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Autoprax Offline
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Vagina Point
When I was young and in my prime,
I used to masturbate all the time,
Now that I am old and grey
I only masturbate twice a day

--from a Paul Theroux book, I can't remember which one.


A threat response is a potent trigger for motivated reasoning.

"People who are right a lot listen a lot, and they change their mind a lot. . . . . They wake up and reanalyze things and change their mind. If you don't change your mind frequently, you're going to be wrong a lot."
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352693
05/15/15 02:01 AM
05/15/15 02:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 19,331
NorCenCal
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Steak Offline
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NorCenCal
You realize you'll never be rehired in today's kinder, gentler, sexually inoffensive
world???

roflmao cheers





Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: Steak] #2352796
05/15/15 04:19 AM
05/15/15 04:19 AM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
J
john4surf Offline OP
Phil Edwards status
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
Originally Posted By: Steak
You realize you'll never be rehired in today's kinder, gentler, sexually inoffensive
world???

roflmao cheers


Is that a bad thing? Oh wait, I retired last September and do not plan to work another day in what's left of this trip before visiting the other side. BTW, I get a lot of emails from guys I worked with over the decades, many are too vile for even the erBB. The occasional nugget like the OP is too good not to share with other warped minds of souless surfers cheers

Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2352797
05/15/15 04:23 AM
05/15/15 04:23 AM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 16,573
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ElOgro Offline
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Quote:
many are too vile for even the erBB


Nah, post 'em up! Jackboots has left the building.

dancing


"That's their respect for me... I got leid," Rabbit Kekai

"That's all it takes--one moment." Sponge
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: ElOgro] #2356976
05/25/15 11:39 PM
05/25/15 11:39 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
J
john4surf Offline OP
Phil Edwards status
john4surf  Offline OP
Phil Edwards status
***
J

Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6,807
CBS, CA
Originally Posted By: ElOgro
Keep 'em coming. applause2



1) A pervert calls the house, wife answewrs... With heavy breathing, the caller says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair?"

Woman replies, "Yes I do, he's just got back from surfing -- who shall I say is calling?"


2) In a recent survey carried out for a leading toiletries firm (Brut), people from Detroit and Chicago have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

In the survey, 86% of Detroit's and Chicago's inner city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.

Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2357112
05/26/15 08:15 AM
05/26/15 08:15 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 8,029
Republik Indonesia Serikat
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BaliIdiot Offline
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Republik Indonesia Serikat
Keep 'em coming Chief! Jokes can't be too degenerate or off color, that's sort of the point!


A pedophile and a young girl are walking through a dark forest when the girl says "It's getting dark and I'm scared". The pedophile replies, "You're scared, I gotta walk outta here by myself!"


Arguing with 'ertards is like playing chess against a pigeon. It will knock over the pieces, 5h!t on the board, then strut around like it's victorious.
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2357116
05/26/15 10:13 AM
05/26/15 10:13 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 8,029
Republik Indonesia Serikat
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BaliIdiot Offline
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A guy goes to the store to buy some condoms. The clerk asks, "Would you like a bag?", "No thanks", the guy replies, "she's not that ugly!"


Arguing with 'ertards is like playing chess against a pigeon. It will knock over the pieces, 5h!t on the board, then strut around like it's victorious.
Re: Crude Humor (NSR) [Re: john4surf] #2357149
05/26/15 02:47 PM
05/26/15 02:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,752
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SharkBoy Offline
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Just no gay jokes, cum on guys


Like a blind man at an orgie, I was gonna have to feel my way around.
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