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Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870681
02/15/12 03:07 PM
02/15/12 03:07 PM
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The OC Life
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marriage is tough at best...


"motions of rippage is initated by the hind leg"-Northern_Shores
"Lemme know. I got endson gas"-20W
Re: marriage [Re: Mo_Fo] #1870682
02/15/12 03:09 PM
02/15/12 03:09 PM
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we went to a couple's workshop over the weekend. one of the takeaways was that empathy is incredibly powerful with both sexes. Women outwardly crave it more than men. The other is that everything is perfect in its current existence, and that happiness is a choice.

http://www.soulofyoga.com/spiritualstudies/retreats.html

we've been to a few of these workshops over the past 5 years and we always feel closer afterwards.


"Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance." - John Petit-Senn
Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870683
02/15/12 03:23 PM
02/15/12 03:23 PM
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Quote:

Quote:

$.02 from the outside POV....

When confronted with life's challenges men tend to want to fix problems because we want to think that all problems have a solution. Women want to support and nurture and empathize because they want to think that many problems are unavoidable but can be tolerated if the burden is shared. Complimentary strengths that work well in combination.

Life really is a drag sometimes. You want to shake her and tell her to cheer up (fixing), but maybe she'd respond better to what she would do for you if the roles were reversed (empathizing). As far as fixing problems is concerned you're still doing that, except that the problem you're fixing is your own.




what's funny is that when i get bent she wants to help solve it instead of empathizing. i have gotten pretty pissed at her for it




You sound like a chick.

Re: marriage [Re: burnsey_vi] #1870684
02/15/12 03:25 PM
02/15/12 03:25 PM
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Quote:

Quote:

today is one of those days when part of me wants to say fvck it. nothing happened. no fight. she was so negative, hopeless and miserable about her work/school life this morning. life-sucking force. just want to shake her and say "cheer the fvck up".




Does this happen a lot? Could be clinical deppression - she might want to talk with the doctor about it...




it happens with the school thing pretty frequently. over the weekend she said she's been fvcked up inside about school for a year.

like 5 years ago she got promoted at work
the new job stressed her out
she decided she hated "corporate"
said fvck it and quit a $150k/yr finance job to become a nurse so she could help people
took pre-reqs and was on the wait list for like 3 years
kicking ass in school - she is #1 in the class
but her clinical rotations have killed any desire she has to be an actual nurse
all the nurses she is around are stretched super thin, burned out, miserable
she doesn't want to have to work night shifts
a couple of weeks ago at dinner she said for the hundredth time "i don't want to do night shifts" and i [after 2 beers] was like "didn't you know that you were going to have to do night shifts when you got into this? wtf were you thinking it was going to be like?"
i think she is scared of me right now. i wasn't stoked w/ the way she went about leaving her job and getting into this. and i'm not pleased that she is thinking about not even trying to be a nurse when she finishes school.
she is not stoked about converting to full time in the part time finance job she is working b/c it isn't challenging or engaging enough for her.

i am willing to let go of my not being stoked with her decisions. she tried something, it isn't working out the way she wants, got to find a new plan. seems pretty simple to me

Re: marriage [Re: shiver_me_timbers] #1870685
02/15/12 03:26 PM
02/15/12 03:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 23,856
Carlsbad
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I think that committing a certain amount of time and energy to focus specifically on your primary relationship is huge, almost regardless of the form or program involved, if any. They provide some external structure and direction to the process, so that's great, too. One way or another people need to get real about who they are, their own strengths and weaknesses, and what they want; and how that relates to their primary relationship.


#sowhat
Re: marriage [Re: SurfZombie] #1870686
02/15/12 03:27 PM
02/15/12 03:27 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,915
santa cruz
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averagejoe Offline OP
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Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

$.02 from the outside POV....

When confronted with life's challenges men tend to want to fix problems because we want to think that all problems have a solution. Women want to support and nurture and empathize because they want to think that many problems are unavoidable but can be tolerated if the burden is shared. Complimentary strengths that work well in combination.

Life really is a drag sometimes. You want to shake her and tell her to cheer up (fixing), but maybe she'd respond better to what she would do for you if the roles were reversed (empathizing). As far as fixing problems is concerned you're still doing that, except that the problem you're fixing is your own.




what's funny is that when i get bent she wants to help solve it instead of empathizing. i have gotten pretty pissed at her for it




You sound like a chick.




i know
i get pissed when i'm venting and she disagrees. you are either allowed to agree and cheer me on or listen and empathize

Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870687
02/15/12 03:28 PM
02/15/12 03:28 PM
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Posts: 22,751
CA
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My wife got her nursing degree recently and digs it.

Was on days for about 5 months and then night shift for almost a year.

Back on days now and will never do nights again. Three 12's is not a bad schedule.

Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870688
02/15/12 03:29 PM
02/15/12 03:29 PM
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she can be a nurse at a doctors office for example and not have to work nights.
stu-dog shrug


"motions of rippage is initated by the hind leg"-Northern_Shores
"Lemme know. I got endson gas"-20W
Re: marriage [Re: rice] #1870689
02/15/12 03:30 PM
02/15/12 03:30 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,915
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is she in a hospital?

i told her last night i thought 3 12s would be cool.

Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870690
02/15/12 03:31 PM
02/15/12 03:31 PM
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Marriage is a lot like surfing. When it isn't going well, no one is happy. Not you, not your board, not the guys around you who are pissed you're koooking it on waves they could be enjoying, and the ocean is surely pissed that you're misusing its power, and then you get a couple that just dump right on your head and you feel like you're going to die.

Or sometimes it's flat and there just isn't anything going on.

Every now and then you catch a nugget or have a great session and it reminds you why you love doing it so much.



Sounds like she's in the process of second guessing some of the decisions she's made. Tell her you love her and support her in whatever she decides and you just want her to be happy.

Then grab some good beer and go play Final Fantasy 13-2.

Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870691
02/15/12 03:32 PM
02/15/12 03:32 PM
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Quote:

is she in a hospital?

i told her last night i thought 3 12s would be cool.




Yes, a local hospital, in telemetry (step-down from ICU, and all cardiac). Likes it quite a bit; lots of time off.

Re: marriage [Re: Havoc] #1870692
02/15/12 03:33 PM
02/15/12 03:33 PM
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Posts: 4,915
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yeah, a dr.'s office would be cool. i went on craigslist and found 2 jobs at spas, giving botox injections. her immediate comeback is that you need a couple years experience to get those jobs.

so, go get a couple years experience

we're both going to be working at least another 20 years. 2 years is a drop in the bucket.

Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870693
02/15/12 03:35 PM
02/15/12 03:35 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
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Quote:

is she in a hospital?

i told her last night i thought 3 12s would be cool.




My wife is a nurse and did night shifts for awhile. It was horrible. She was out at night and when she came home - I was off to work. She got to surf in the mornings, which was great, but she was tired and ready to sleep when I came home. We never saw each other.

It sucked. However, she's on days now. It's just something nurses have to go through. Part of the profession is that the newbies work night shifts.

Re: marriage [Re: rice] #1870694
02/15/12 03:35 PM
02/15/12 03:35 PM
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 4,915
santa cruz
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Quote:

Quote:

is she in a hospital?

i told her last night i thought 3 12s would be cool.




Yes, a local hospital, in telemetry (step-down from ICU, and all cardiac). Likes it quite a bit; lots of time off.




cool

Re: marriage [Re: averagejoe] #1870695
02/15/12 03:37 PM
02/15/12 03:37 PM
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Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

today is one of those days when part of me wants to say fvck it. nothing happened. no fight. she was so negative, hopeless and miserable about her work/school life this morning. life-sucking force. just want to shake her and say "cheer the fvck up".




Does this happen a lot? Could be clinical deppression - she might want to talk with the doctor about it...




it happens with the school thing pretty frequently. over the weekend she said she's been fvcked up inside about school for a year.

like 5 years ago she got promoted at work
the new job stressed her out
she decided she hated "corporate"
said fvck it and quit a $150k/yr finance job to become a nurse so she could help people
took pre-reqs and was on the wait list for like 3 years
kicking ass in school - she is #1 in the class
but her clinical rotations have killed any desire she has to be an actual nurse
all the nurses she is around are stretched super thin, burned out, miserable
she doesn't want to have to work night shifts
a couple of weeks ago at dinner she said for the hundredth time "i don't want to do night shifts" and i [after 2 beers] was like "didn't you know that you were going to have to do night shifts when you got into this? wtf were you thinking it was going to be like?"
i think she is scared of me right now. i wasn't stoked w/ the way she went about leaving her job and getting into this. and i'm not pleased that she is thinking about not even trying to be a nurse when she finishes school.
she is not stoked about converting to full time in the part time finance job she is working b/c it isn't challenging or engaging enough for her.

i am willing to let go of my not being stoked with her decisions. she tried something, it isn't working out the way she wants, got to find a new plan. seems pretty simple to me




More school, but....

$$$$ nurse anesthetist $$$$



"The Wright brothers decide to make themselves a flying machine. You fools! You idiots! Whats your problem? everyone shouted, That will never work because plywood weighs more than air! To which the Wright brothers responded, No, it doesnt. The Wright brothers were dreamers."
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